Fragments
by MoreWolfThanGirl
Summary: Leah isn't surprised easily. It takes a hell of a lot to knock her off her feet. But when the ones she love are threatened, can she bring herself to make the wrong decision for the right reasons?
1. Lapdog

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: I realize that there is a lot of repetition of adjectives in this story. I used them as a writing technique – I believe it's the way Leah would be thinking, but it's up to you to decide. Flames and constructive criticism are begged for. Reviews in "text" talk will not be acknowledged. Sorry.

Rating: T for language.

Author: MoreWolfThanGirl

Pairing: Jacob/Leah

Summary: Leah is not surprised easily. She's not the only female werewolf for nothing – there's something special about this girl. But life takes even the best of us for a ride sometimes. Rated T for language.

Chapter One: Lapdog

There have been very few moments in my life when I have been completely taken by surprise.

I've faked it before, of course. Like when I read the email for my birthday party – it was supposed to be a secret, and being the fucking good girl that I am, I screamed and bounced up and down with joy when I walked into the house. I was fucking eight, for Christ's sake.

Or when Jacob fucking ran off to Canada because some freaking leach-lover chose a vampire over him. Yeah, fucking saw that coming.

But one thing I never believed could happen was that Jacob was going to imprint on the devil spawn we had set out to protect. The whole point of the imprinting situation was to create better, stronger wolves – not to fucking fall in love with the child of his first love. Six years from now, she'll be just like the rest of the vamps. Unchanging. So – is he supposed to create cubs with her now?

Renesmee. What kind of fucking name is that? It's shitty, and she's going to be teased for the rest of her immortal life. The thing looks like she's about six now, even though it's been, what, a fucking year?

The silence of my deserted living room was invaded by a long, lingering howl. I leapt off of the shitty couch I'd been laying across, and the tendons in my arms and legs trembled slightly as I attempted to get myself emotional enough to phase.

Didn't take long.

Two voices invaded my thoughts as I crashed through the open front door of the shack that my brother, my mom, and me lived in.

_Leah, you better not have broken the screen again… mom's going to get so pissed off at us, _I felt – rather than heard, Seth whimper.

I snorted, racing between the trees. It was like playing catch with the ground – I'd always been the fastest. _And I always will be, _I thought smugly, knowing it would get on Jake's nerves.

I always felt better when I was running. Like if I kept going, all my troubles would be caught in the jet stream and get left behind me.

_Where the fuck are you going?_

_To wherever the hell you and Seth are, _I snarled at the invading warmth of Jake's voice. _Where the fuck are you? _I was mocking him, now, and I heard the answering growl reverberate in the bright forest. The moon was high overhead, and silver, ghostly light filled the air, reflecting off of the dust particles. The thin trees were darker than sky, leaving the area around me a panorama – almost like a dream. Instinctually, I dug my claws into the loam coating the earth's crust. When I was a wolf, it was almost like I could hear the earth's heart beat, slowly pounding out a rhythm that all animals knew and followed. _Vampires and their spawn are not animals._

_I heard that._

_And we all give a damn, too, Jacob. Now where am I supposed to be?_

_Aw, c'mon, Leah. The vamps aren't that bad. _

_I'm laughing. Can you hear me?_

_I think everybody in La Push can._

My thoughts turned to fragments as I swished my head around to see two pairs of glowing eyes low in the bushes. _Pissing me off..._

_Seriously, Lee, Edward and the others aren't –_

_Seth, shut up._

_Yeah, take a leaf out of your own book, lapdog. _I raised my head and sashayed the last five steps to the boys' spot. Seth jumped out of the leaves and bounced playfully in front of me. _You're such a puppy, Seth._ But his antics made me smile, even if it was only a brief thing. I never smiled anymore.

Jake's eyes rose slowly, and I stared directly into them, not willing to be the first to look away. As he started walking forward, I could almost feel my jaw fucking fall open. Was he still freaking growing?

_Damn, _Jake whistled, grinning at me with his tongue attempting to abandon ship and leave his smelly mouth. _You've looked better, Lee-Lee._

I winced, glaring at him, and controlling the urge to rip his throat out in a brutal fashion and continue to disembowel him until he was finally silent. _Do. Not. Call. Me. That._

_Violent mood tonight?_

_Seth. Shut. Up._

_Sorry, Leah, I didn't mean to –_

_Fuck off, Black. Just tell me why I'm here instead of at home._

_Not like you were doing anything._

_Seth._ I rolled my eyes and bumped the sandy-brown wolf next to me with my nose. _We're here because the Cullens broke the treaty._

If it were possible for your mental voice to crack, Jacob's would have. Images flashed through my mind as I screamed a growl. A broken human body, all of the blood drained from it, lying cold and alone in the dark… a pale figure wiping their perfect, blood-red lips gently across the dead body's sleeve… the satisfaction emanating from the vampire's smug face…

Seth interrupted my morbid thoughts by scratching vigorously at his muzzle, like he was trying to remove the pictures by rubbing them out.

_Who was it? _I attempted to stay calm, but I was shaking and moving subtly from side to side, ready to go and tear the leeches apart. These were our people! Our land! And I had plans to fucking run them off of it, then tear them freaking limb from limb. They would pay. And the _thing, _too. Jacob hissed ever so slightly.

_Esme. And Nessie does _not _pay for something her aunt did. Try it and I'll kill you. _There was no compromise in his words. He would, no doubt.

_Wait. Esme? _Seth asked, worry clouding his eyes.

That stopped me. _Esme? Fuck. You can have fun taking her down. And if Nessie doesn't get punished, then the others won't._

_It's different!_

_It fucking well is not!_

_Nessie is my imprint!_

_And you're mine! Stupid shit happens! Shut the fuck up and get used to it! No matter what happens, I always lose. Poor Leah. Can't keep a guy, can't get a guy. They all run off with her mortal enemy's daughter or her cousin. Fuck this._

I phased back, only barely able to with the blood coursing through my veins at a rate that would have given any normal human a heart attack. Fuck it! Now I was thinking about my dad.

The thought struck me out of nowhere as I sprinted for home. Would he respect the choices I had to make?

I knew the real reason I was thinking about my dad was to try and get my mind off of the fact that I had imprinted on fucking Jacob. Shit!

I cleared my mind of everything as I leapt into the silver-grey coat that personified my heart and showed it to the world. Metallic. Unchanging.

_Fuck! Leah, get your ass back here!_

I struggled not to say something nasty and sarcastic back. Fucking alpha –_ oh, dammit. Don't make me, _I half-warned, half-whined. _Please, don't make me come back._

_Leah! _

I almost turned around at the sound of my brother's voice. But I didn't, and sped across the lone road that ran through La Push like a zipper.

I was at my back door before either one of the boys could say anything else to me and collapsed, human, on the ratty green couch once more.


	2. Out

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: I literally started jumping up and down when I saw how many reviews and alerts/favorites there were. My little sister thinks I'm insane. A special shout out to JacobFan, Geko, Running with the wolves, babydoll223 99, callmechloe, cherish15, xmukax, bananasrgood, and x3spencerx3. You guys are the best. This chapter is for you.**

Chapter Two: Electricity

By the time the front door crashed open with a loud bang that would have knocked the door off of it's hinges if I hadn't caught it after the knob bounced off the wall, I had put on my favorite pair of shorts and my one of my dad's old t-shirts. And so fucking help me God, if Jacob Black made me rip them, I was going to bit his head off.

"Get the fuck out of here." My voice was cold and emotionless, clear like ice, and different. Not the happy, mid-range tone I had when I was a kid. Not even the fucking sarcastic way I talked mere hours ago. I sounded like a freaking vampire. I shivered involuntarily, and my head spun.

Jake walked inside (no invitation, mind you), and threw himself facedown on the couch. It wasn't like I cared about that, or anything. This had been his second home every since Sarah Black had died in the car wreck that changed all of our lives. But I had been sitting on the crappy piece of fabric supported by a wooden frame and extra foam from the dump. Which made it my seat.

I walked silently around the coffee table and leaned over to grab Jake by the collar and hoist him up, the muscles in my arm crying out from the pleasure of being used again. I always felt that way when I didn't work out. Too loose.

"Get. Out." My nose was a foot from his, and the pull for me to close that distance and crush his lips with my own was unbearable. _This is what he feels like_, I thought miserably, while hating myself for moping. _This is what he feels like when he looks into the muddy eyes of that stupid little fucking devil child._

Jacob's brown, almost black eyes met mine. He sat up, and I removed my hand from his shirt, thanking God that he had put one on. It must be quite the occasion he was heading off to after he broke my heart again – he never wore a shirt.

"I thought you were going to be fucking different," I said, when it was obvious he wasn't going to say anything until I did. "I thought that you cared."

"I do, Lee-Lee, I just -"

"Don't call me that." Jacob flinched. Deciding it was better just to get this all over with, so I could try and move on again, I sat on the edge of the table. Our knees brushed for a split second, and it was like a jolt of electricity had gone through me. Dammit. "You used to be like my younger brother. We used to be best friends. You used to hate Sam because of what he did to me. Fuck. I'm not going to tell you that you have to hang out with me now that you know I've imprinted on you. I'm not going to tell you that you have to friggin' feel bad for me. But stop acting like him. It hurts."

Jacob looked at me, eyes wide and confused, a small line creasing the otherwise perfect skin in a small triangle between his eyes. "Acting like who?"

I nearly broke the table. My hand clenched the wood siding, and the entire structure creaked. It took a moment to be able to say his name without phasing. "Sam." Pain. Thousands of memories flashed through my mind all at once. Each one a blur of color and sound, though I recognized all of them.

Understanding lit his features. "Oh."

"So, I imprinted on you. Yes, the first fucking time I saw you after I changed. Okay? Cool? Good, now leave."

"I'm not leaving." Great. I sighed.

"Scoot over, then fat-ass. I'm going to read. And that's my couch." I couldn't stay mad at him, much as I wanted to. And not just because of the imprinting bond, either. There was just something so warm and kind about Jacob – a softness that Sam never had. Jake turned sideways and pulled his knees up. I mimicked him, careful to make sure our feet didn't touch.

Leaning over to the table, which had, despite my suspicion that it wouldn't, survived the last five minutes, I grabbed my book and settled down, ready to begin where I left off. Jake switched on the television, and for a second, it felt like things were back to the way they were. Two best friends – just as if Bella Bitch had never come to Forks, and the evil incarnate had never been born.

It wasn't long before my eyes began to droop and stay closed longer than usual when I blinked. Questions danced around in my head, chasing each other as I tried to figure them out. What to do about the Cullens. What to do about Jake. How I could keep my brother safe.

The sun was beating through the shade on the giant window next to the T.V. I groaned and tried to lift myself up off the couch to go find something to eat. After two bleary, sleep-fogged tries, I realized that the reason I couldn't get up was due to a large werewolf, who was holding me to him as he slept.

"Dammit! Jake! Jake…? Fuck." I fell back, letting myself curl closer to the warm body next to me for protection I didn't need.

Did he know how much he was hurting me? And not just by squishing me, either. That I could deal with. Happily.

But the constant tug of war with my heart? Just give it fucking back, dude. Enough already. It was Sam all over again.

And I still wasn't over that.

The phone rang, it's shrill tone reverberating through the house and breaking the peaceful silence. Dammit.

Jake flew at least three feet straight up, landing on his feet like a cat. I, unfortunately, had not been so fucking lucky.

"Sorry, Lee," he grinned, as I glared at him from my new position – sprawled half way across the couch, with my torso over the arm.

"You better be. Go get my phone, douche." Jacob let out a barking laugh, turning to walk confidently into the kitchen.

Was it so wrong that I was staring? The sixteen year old mutt Jake had used to be had disappeared. He was a grown man, now. His skin was a deep tan that looked like somebody had taken a fucking container of gold glitter and dumped it over the poor guy's head. No wonder the girls on the beach always fucking stared.

The muscles in his back moved under his tough skin, and I knew that if he turned around, I'd be faced with his fucking twelve pack.

Distracted, I poked my own stomach. I really needed to work out again – that would be my activity today. Training to kill those corpse impersonators. Now _there _was motivation.

Stretching languidly, I carefully went over my own plan to kill the murderers. Jacob could have Esme, because there was no fucking way that I was going to be able to look into those glassy yellow eyes with a plan to rip her limb from limb. She reminded me too much of the mother Sue used to be.

Seth could have Carlisle, I decided. He wouldn't be able to take down any of his new "best friends," and the others would be too strong for him.

Jacob would want Edward, too. The other pack would take blondie, muscles, the mind reader, and the emotion-controller. Which left me with Bitch-Biscuit and the incarnate. _Yes._

Would Jacob hate me forever? God, that sounded like a question a fucking two year old would ask. But he would. I was sure of it.

Enough thinking. I was hungry, and I needed to go for a run before I imploded.

The noise had stopped, and I could hear Jake talking on the phone to somebody. "Oh, God… I'm so sorry. Oh, man. Yeah, we'll be over soon. Are you okay? I thought it was somebody from town. Damn. Yes… what? Are you kidding me? It's been, what, a day? No. She's not some fuck-buddy that you can use now that – absolutely not. Just leave her the fuck alone. She doesn't want anything to do with you. Fuck off." The telephone was slammed down onto the receiver.

"Jake?" I called softly, sitting up and padding quietly into the kitchen. He was standing with his head down, hands gripping the counter. "Who was that?"

Wrong question. Jacob exploded, throwing the pan he had taken out at the table hard enough for the handle to stick in, the entire thing quivering. He turned to face me, and his eyes were like black fire. "Okay," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Breakfast?"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing at his expression – a mix of outright horror and utter shock. After a few seconds of lonely hysterics, I calmed down enough to walk over to tug the pan out of the hard wood. "Dammit, Jake," I panted. "This was our only table." Just as he walked over to help me, the hunk of metal flew out and hit him full in the face.

"Fuck, Leah!" There was a clank as the utensil hit the wall. I tossed him a towel.

"That's what you get for ruining our table… I'm going to go grab a candle. Wait here." I turned to look at him. "Oh, fuck, Jake, I'm so sorry…"

I could tell he was grinning from underneath the candy-cane striped towel by the way his eyes lifted up, but blood was dripping sickly onto his collar, the scrap of fabric being unable to soak up anymore. "'S okay, it's stopped now." He tossed the cloth to me, and I put it in the washing machine, which was conveniently located in the cramped kitchen. He nonchalantly raised a giant hand to his nose, as if to scratch it, but I knew he was really popping it back into place.

"Sorry."

"I know. You go get the candle, I'll make breakfast."

I knew he wasn't going to tell me who had called. But I would force it out of him later. I skipped up the stairs, aiming to find the brownish candle I kept in my drawer. Never hurt to be prepared.

Grabbing it, I turned around to come face to face with the last person I wanted to see.


	3. SOS

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Thank you guys so much! I loved all of your reviews. My apologies for the two spelling mistakes in the last chapter – I believe that I wrote "bit" instead of "bite," and "leach" instead of "leech." Oh, well. Here's the next chapter of 'Fragments.' One more thing – the term 'faggot' is used in a derogatory way in this chapter. I am not prejudiced against anybody, I just know that it's a phrase used commonly in that way.**

Chapter Three: S.O.S.

_Are you kidding me? _Was there some kind of power out there that had it in for me? "What do you fucking want?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. The last thing I needed was for Jacob to come running up the stairs, attempting to be my hero.

"To talk to you," she said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the universe. She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder and sat down on my bed leisurely.

"Be careful, leech. I'm going to have to wash everything you touch."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me. "Like I'm not going to have to take a shower to get your wet-dog smell off. Anyways. Alice heard your "plans." And she's not happy."

"Excellent. Why should I care? And, more importantly, why are you telling me?"

"Because I want to help you."

I snorted. "Uh huh, sure. And in return, what? We don't kill you or your mate? I don't think so." But a plan was already beginning to form in my head. With blondie and muscles on our side, we would have a hell of a lot less casualties. I mentally shook my head. No. No fucking planning. That stupid mind-reader bitch would hear what I was going to do. _And tell Isabella. Damn._

"Yes." There was no apology, no compromise in her tone. She wasn't going to barter or negotiate. It simply was what it was. And that was the end.

As much as I hated the bloodsucker, I had to admire her strength. Rosalie was nothing like her "sisters."

"I'm not alpha. You're going to have to talk to Jacob."

"Fine."

"I'll be right back. Don't mess up my room," I growled.

I leapt down the stairs, my heart pounding a little bit faster than usual. Just a vampire in my room, no big deal…

"Hey." Jake caught me as I flew into the kitchen. "Candle?"

I held it up silently, not trusting myself to talk. Jake lit the wick and held it over the hole as the wax dripped. As soon as the dent was mostly filled, he took a plate and scraped it over the top. It was a cheap fix, but Sue wasn't going to notice. It wasn't like she was fucking here most of the time, anyways.

"Hungry?" he asked. I had totally forgotten how hungry I was.

"Yeah. Hey, what was that phone call about?" Jacob ignored me, throwing two mountains of scrambled eggs into a giant dish. "Yo. Yeah, you, faggot. Who fucking called me? Because they obviously weren't fucking looking for you."

Jake froze with his back to me. The muscles in his back, legs, and arms tensed. "Sam."

The blood in my veins refused to move another inch. I was dying, slowly as pain tore through me. Parts of Jacob's conversation drifted back to me, unbidden. _"… I'm so sorry… we'll be over soon… thought it was someone from town…"_

Holy shit. "Oh, man. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit!"

Jake approached me slowly, holding the eggs out in some kind of retarded peace offering. But I wasn't ready quite yet. "Leah?" he asked quietly, as if I were about to lash out at him. "I don't think we should go over. He doesn't think you're worth anything - he doesn't know, he thinks you'll just come running. Please don't…"

None of what he was saying was making sense to me. Numbness crashed around me, forcing my mind to the one fact that was undeniable at this moment.

My head lowered slowly into my hands as I sat down hard on the wooden chair. It creaked. It always did. That was just something that you got used to in my house. But I didn't hear it this time. I felt hollow. The world spun, and I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes. Neon colors expanded into rotating patterns as I pressed harder, just wanting it to all go away.

A traitorous tear trailed down my face, suspended momentarily next to my nose before sliding down my neck. There would be no memory of that drop of salt water later. Nobody would care whether or not it had ever been in existence. Just like her life… wiped out. Years – millions of years from now, not one person would know of Emily Young, how she had been so close to eternal happiness and the marriage to her soul mate when a silent heart stole her insignificant life from her.

It was all very fucking deep and poetic, considering I was thinking about my, for all intents and purposes, sister's death.

"Emily's dead." It was not a question, and Jake didn't take it as one. He dropped the dish on the table and pulled a chair up next to me. "Emily's dead." My voice cracked, and a shiver ran down my back. I felt cold. That was a new sensation for me – warmth had always been a part of my life. From vacations in the south to the love and understanding of my family to the casual hugs of my best friends.

Jake threw his arm around me, and I leaned into him, not wanting to be alone in the world for once. His scent overwhelmed my senses – reminding me of long runs in the woods. Evergreens, rich earth, oranges, and something dark and musky that I couldn't place.

Suddenly I was sobbing into his shirt, pressing the side of my face into his built chest. Everything was crashing down around me, and I wasn't just crying for Emily.

I was crying for all of them – all the people who'd died before, and would die in the future. Was there really a point to life? Or were we just here to live out the wishes of a god who didn't give a fuck about us?

I sat, letting every ounce of my sadness and anger pour out of me in huge waves and ripples. I cried for Jacob, and Sarah, and Emily, and Billy, and most of all Sam. Sam had to live with the fact that the love of his life was gone forever. I cried for my aunt and uncle, and the grandparents I'd never met. It was a fucking sob festival.

A cold hand touched my shoulder. I leapt up out of the chair and touched down gracefully, one hand balancing me on the floor. Jake was much more clumsy, not realizing what was going on until a second too late.

"Rosalie," he said, almost in astonishment. But his voice regained its deep, chocolate qualities within a minute. "What the hell are you doing here?"

She regarded him with a look of disdain, and then turned to face me. "Are you okay?" she asked, with more emotion and empathy then I thought possible from a species made of stone.

_I don't know what to do, and I'm still slightly shell-shocked_, I thought bitterly. "I," I started slowly, testing my voice out as I scrubbed vigorously at my red eyes. "Am going to murder Esme. She is going to die a long, painful, drawn-out death. She will suffer."

Rosalie burst out laughing, bell-like tunes that would have been contagious except for the situation. She had her hands on her knees, shaking with the noise that flew from her mouth like butterflies. Vengeful butterflies with a purpose.

I controlled my breathing, keeping it slow enough to make me feel like I was suffocating. Jake stood up, and I noticed the small, artfully hidden smile in the corner of his soft mouth. Nobody knew him like I did, and I knew that the Slut would have thought that she did, which only added to the gallons of gasoline poured all over the Cullen coven. God, I hated her.

"I need to go for a run," I mumbled, my words tripping over each other, stumbling on the fact that there was nothing to be done. Nothing that could be done to save Emily.

Slamming the front door behind me, I crashed down the two front steps and phased, the first touch of the ground to my huge paws being the starting point for a long run – one that wasn't going to end until the sun burned a fiery trail down to the edge of the ocean, mimicking the drops of salt water that tried to reach the ocean themselves as they ran through my fur coldly.


	4. Spiritually

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay, guys. I slipped on the ice and ended up in the hospital, but I'm okay now, so here's the next chapter.

Chapter Four: Spiritually

Being tired was something you get used to when your life is suddenly turned upside down and you find out that you have the ability to morph into a killing machine. It wasn't like I had never fucking felt like I just needed to fall down and go to sleep. I didn't even use the word 'exhausted' anymore, because I knew that it could always get worse.

I was exhausted.

Mentally, physically, emotionally, and whatever the hell the fourth one is that my Wellness teacher tried to convince me existed. Whatever. The point was that there was no way in hell I was going to move another step. Collapsing underneath the branches of a tall spruce, I curled up into as small a ball as possible – tucking my muzzle into the folds of fur on my chest. The silence was deafening, and I whimpered and shook head as my horror-story images returned to me, Emily's face plastered like a cutout in each scene.

Seth's mind brushed against mine, and I withdrew closer to the trunk, as if mere distance could stop the interrogation that was sure to begin momentarily. _Leave me the fuck alone, _was all I could manage, and even that sounded weak. _Shit. _I was not very forgiving and generous at the best of times, and a sleep-deprived Leah… well; let's just say you wouldn't want to fucking get her fucking way.

A light smell that reminded me of trying to squeeze through a crowd of perfume-wearing grannies and rotten grapefruit trickled its way through my twitching black nose. I hauled myself to my feet. _Fuck this… Oh, fucking God, why me?_

I shook myself out slowly, and surveyed the surrounding area wearily. _God dammit._ I shifted my weight from side to side, ready to move.

Get it over with already, you shitty excuse for a human!

As if my visitor could fucking read my mind, he leapt down from the tree in front of me, landing silently on the forest floor. And, as if my luck wasn't bad enough already, he really did know what I was thinking. Shit. Stupid mind-rapist.

Edward freaking Cullen chuckled in that gay voice of his… which irritated the crap out of me. Unbidden, every single idea I'd had to murder him, his family, the baby leech, and the Bitch rose to the front of my mind, and bloodlust raced through my system.

My shoulders tensed and I straightened to glare at him, hating him more than I though possible. And though it hurt like hell to do it, I laughed. It was a barking, loud, rough laugh, and since I had no idea why I did it, he didn't either.

_Something's that going to hurt. I want him to burn._

The corner of his lips twisted up in a crooked imitation of a smile. _Got it. Rosalie and the big one are with us, stupid. You've got no chance. _

"I beg to differ," the bloodsucker said quietly, as if trying to make peace.

_So you refuse to take responsibility for your, ahem, adoptive mother's actions? Because I believe that both packs would have a problem with that. Esme dies. You all do._

I fought to keep my mental voice indifferent, though I couldn't help the rush of adrenaline that pumped into my brain.

"I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep my family from the fate you have planned out for us." He took another step closer to look me full in the face, his eyes burning like the grayish-yellow coal that sits at the bottom of a fire. "Whatever it takes," he repeated, as if I was stupid.

_What the hell are you supposed to be able to do anyways? _I couldn't believe I was having a civil conversation – okay, maybe _just_ a conversation with Satan himself. I was barely able to control the anger simmering gently along my spine, and wanted nothing more than to tear out his jugular, rip him to pieces and burn him until his stench was rid of the… _no, no, no. Calm. Kill him now, and you don't get the information you need._

"Yes," the demon said, sounding disinterested. "You really do need me to tell you my plan. Very well, then." My heart pounded furiously. He was going to tell me? Which meant… "Right again, dog. You have no chance of stopping us. Do you want me to tell you, or not? Maybe you could run and watch as the last stage unfolds."

I growled, moving my paws around. I had no idea where I was supposed to go, but if I waited for him, it would be too late. And he was going to make me beg for it? _Dick_.

The parasite gave me what he obviously believed to be a charming smile. "I wasn't going to, but that's a good idea…"

_I will kill you. You can bank on it. No matter what happens, I want you to know that I am going to be the one to finally take down the infamous Edward Cullen. You're a perverted pedophile, by the way. Just thought I'd add that in._

The Tick laughed. "First of all, wolf-girl, I am betting on that fact. Second, if you want me to tell you what I have in store for the child – the brown wolf's imprint – you'll stop interrupting."

_Holy fuck. They've got Claire. _I threw back my head and howled as loud as I could. Exhaustion was forgotten. _Where? What the fuck do you think you're doing? God dammit, you mother -_

Cullen frowned at me. "Vulgarities are not appreciated, pup. Claire will be okay so long as you don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. Claire is only human, and very… breakable. Listen closely. Who are the three people alive who can convince your friend Jacob to do anything?"

_Me. The Bitch. The baby tick._

The bloodsucker winced. "I wish you wouldn't call them that."

_And I wish you would stop screwing with my family. This is beginning to sound like one of those criminal investigation shows. What are you getting at?_

"Do you really think anyone is capable of hurting Jacob? Do you think Seth could kill the two people in the world that make your imprint's life complete? Isabella and Nessie mean the most to him. I don't think you could, either. Bella -" and he said her name like she was the most precious thing to ever walk this earth "- will convince him that to kill even just Nessie's adoptive family would be enough to keep her away from him for the rest of his life. My family goes free, your, er, pack goes free – it's a win-win situation."

_The fuck it is. Let me guess, I kill you and your henchmen kill Claire._

"You could always give it a shot. I'm hoping you'll wait until later, of course. You have a chance to stop my wife now, and to save your cousin, and things would work out so much easier if you would refrain until a suitable interval in the action."

I took a hesitant step closer to where I knew Jake would be. _Stupid, bloodsucking, mother-fucking demon incarnate._

I sprinted faster and faster toward my house, continuing my stream of heavy insults, each one becoming cruder and disgusting. I crashed up the porch steps and – much to Seth's eventual chagrin, I knew – through the screen door.

My nails gouged long trails into the wood floor. I snarled and whipped my head around, twisting as I jumped and landing facing Isabella Marie Cullen, her teeth bared unimpressively and standing in what I assumed was supposed to be a protective crouch. Jacob slowly stood up, holding his hands out. "Leah…"

The. Skank. Had. Been. Sitting. On. My. Chair. She had been resting her hands on my crappy table. She had been grabbing the doorknob on my door.

And she had touched my Jacob.

I exploded with fury, throwing myself at her before she had a chance to react.


	5. Snapped

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. Technically, I'm banned from Fanfiction, but I'd really like to at least finish this and one other story before I quit.

Chapter Five: Snapped

The smooth rocks were a comfort to my aching feet as I traced the riverbank slowly, following the contours of the land. My mind was completely blank, and the only thing running through my head was the details of the surrounding forest. The rocks were blue and grey and red, and the trees leaned away from me, letting the warm sunlight reach me and place both of its hands on my face. With each step, I slowed down just a little bit, fucking dreading my destination.

It took me a half an hour longer than it should have to get to the top of the cliffs, where I could see three smoky figures standing behind a most unnecessary fire. But I couldn't find it in me to even strike an angry pose. I just collapsed lifelessly on a log, not really caring whether or not I appeared pathetic. It was only the truth.

"Leah." Old Quil's voice was rough and low, bringing me back to my childhood… him yelling at us to stay out of his garden. "What do you need?"

I chuckled quietly. "For a group of people who try to be so high and mighty, you're just like the rest of us, aren't you? You hate it when people invade your personal space, and you really want to be thought well of."

"Leah…" Billy Black's voice was thick, filled with tears. I wondered briefly if he had been thinking about Sarah again. "I wish there was something we could do for you… but there is nothing."

"There's gotta be something. Fate, destiny – all those stupid words you use – it's all got to add up to something. What is the point, otherwise?" I stood, then realized how achy I was, and sat back down. "I want to know -" I said shakily – "why I imprinted on Jacob even though he imprinted on someone else. I want to know why Esme killed Emily. I want to know why I'm the only female werewolf. And I want to know what we are going to do about these fucking vampires and Claire!" My voice rose at the end, and I glared forcefully at the council, feeling pain rush into the marrow of my bones.

"Ah." A very, very familiar voice came through as he walked slowly around the circle to stand in front and a bit to the right of me. "I think I can help with the first query." I looked up at Sam, almost whimpering. "But it's a long story." I closed my eyes, wishing it had been my father who was about to tell me this story. But he was gone. "Have you heard of a reverse-imprint?"

My eyes snapped open. "What the fuck is a reverse-imprint?" Sam smiled at me, and my heart – for some reason unbeknownst to me – jumped.

"To explain it simply, it's what vampires do."

"I don't understand." The smoke had begun to clear now, and I could see Billy Black and Old Quil sitting quietly with their hands on their knees, watching us. Billy leaned over and whispered something to Old Quil, who nodded in agreement. A noise interrupted my train of thoughts. I recoiled slightly in shock as Sam's warm, throaty laugh filled my head. It wasn't the new Sam's cold, mock-happy affirmation in the fact that Quil's joke was funny. It was the Sam I fell in love with.

"Maybe if you stopped interrupting me, you would," the russet-skinned boy grinned.

"Maybe you should just fucking tell me," I grumbled softly, staring down at my bare feet.

There was a thump as Sam sat down next to me, but I refused to look up at the bastard. "Rosalie and Emmett are soul mates, as you know." A slight frown graced my expression as I considered his words. "As are Carlisle and Esme, and Jasper and Alice." He took a deep intake of breath, polluting the air with the breath from his body. "Jacob never had a chance with Bella. Edward had reverse-imprinted on her. She was his soul mate. And Jacob was pulled to her because it was fate that Edward and Bella were going to have Renesmee. Twenty-three of Renesmee's chromosomes already existed within Bella. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"The baby leech reverse-imprinted on Jacob."

"When Bella first met Edward, she was drawn to him even more than her classmates. The vampires are more like animals than we thought before we had this information. When a bloodsucker finds its "soul mate," it will reform itself specifically so as to draw in the helpless target. Hair color, eye color, body, and personality – it all changes to match the unguarded preferences of said mate. Edward was probably a completely different, er, thing before Bella showed up." Sam shuddered unwillingly, and goose bumps made their quick trek up my arms.

"Jacob didn't imprint on Rename-me. She reverse-imprinted on him, which meant that she is built specifically for him – which means that the vampires have gone and screwed things up again." Sam nodded, and I heard a chuckle from Old Quil. "So what do I do?"

"This is a unique situation." Billy was apparently taking over the show now. "Which means we have no idea. If we compare our imprinting to theirs, however, we may be able to make a few assumptions. One would be that Renesmee would be more upset by the loss of Jacob than Jacob would be with the loss of her. However, as of this moment, Renesmee is his life. He won't let us get near her."

Sam cleared his throat. "Which means we would have to kill her."

"Which we are going to have to do anyways," Old Quil added. "They all must die, with the exceptions of the blonde and her mate."

"Leah," Billy began. "You want to know why and how Esme killed Emily." I nodded, my heart flipping into my stomach, which then dropped at least an inch. "Esme was crazed with thirst, seeing as she had stayed with Bella during her pregnancy. Not always at her bedside, of course. I don't know how even Rosalie managed that, but on the sidelines, doing whatever she could." I could picture it in my head. Sweet, caring Esme staying in the kitchen, filling up cups with blood and making omelets, never once thinking about her own health. "When she finally left to hunt for the first time, a hiker caught her attention." Billy's voice broke, and he waved to Old Quil as a sign for him to continue the story.

"Emily was out -"

Sam interrupted loudly. "I'm going to go call the pack so you can explain the plan of action to everyone at once." He sent a small, sad smile in my direction. "See you later, Leah."

Old Quil nodded as Sam sprinted away from the circle. "Emily was out looking for you, Leah."

My brain froze. My bones cracked and broke. My heart thumped loudly, looking for an escape from the crushed shell it was incased in. "Are you…" I swallowed, trying to clear the phlegm out of my throat. "Are you fucking kidding me? This is all my fucking fault?"

Billy sighed. "It's not your fault at all, Leah. She could have been looking for anyone. You were on patrol – you couldn't have known. Would you like for us to continue?"

"There's nothing else to say. Esme couldn't control herself and murdered Emily."

"Emmett and Rosalie tried to stop her."

This recent piece of news shocked me. "And they couldn't get her to go back? Yeah, right. I'm going to kill those two-timing -"

"Leah. Edward and Alice stopped them. It was three to two, and the two with the gifts, too."

"Oh my God," I moaned, dropping my head into my hands. "Esme murdered my cousin. And Edward and Alice helped. I'm going to kill those bitches! Every single one!"

"Well, you already partially succeeded," Old Quil grinned, unable to stop himself, pointing to the package sitting next to the log.

"Holy Jesus. Is that…?"

"We thought you'd like the honor." For the first time in what felt like forever, I grinned widely. I picked up the squiriming brown package and felt the chill seep through the paper and to my hand.

"I hate you," I whispered to the marble arm, and then threw it into the fire. Nine minus an arm. We could do this.


	6. Can't

**Disclaimer: All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: So, apparently, my chapters have been very confusing for a lot of people. Whoops. So, here's the new plan. I'll continue putting out chapters as I have been doing. If you have a question about something I've written, you can write a review, or you can send me a personal message. And, so long as it wasn't intentional, I'll either correct the chapter or give you the explanation. My apologies. Anyways, there is one circumstance (and I'm sure you'll know it when you read it) that is supposed to be confusing. Don't worry… all will be revealed soon. ;) Oh, and I made a mistake in the last chapter. **

"Thank God you finally left," were the first words I heard as the huge, tan, muscled boys entered the ring of logs. "I really had to pee."

I gave my brother a look that questioned his sanity and his status as my blood brother all in one. "What the fuck? I was brushing my teeth!"

"For three hours?" The boys laughed, and I tried to glare at Seth, hiding my smile. The sight of it probably would have been shocking to most of the brutes.

"Bella's flesh doesn't taste good," I snarled. Paul punched me in the shoulder, grinning. "Hey, no laughing at me, lover boy. At least I didn't think that I imprinted on Rachel." I snorted. "How did you not figure out that it was just attraction?" Paul's face turned a red the old Isabella would have been jealous of.

Jared chuckled. "Paul. Thinks with his crotch instead of his head." Paul just about phased right then and there, and would have if I hadn't put my hand on his. I closed my eyes automatically and felt his huge, warm hand trembling with mine. Slowly, the shivers began to drift to a halt. _Shit._

I looked up tentatively, dreading what I was going to see. Embry, Collin, Brady, Jared, and Seth were staring at us with a mix of confusion and humor in each of their expressions. They clearly had –

"What the hell was that?" I was just about to retort in a snarky tone, but I felt the band of energy tighten around my stomach muscles. I got up quickly, ignoring everything except for the invisible, glowing path that was only meant for me, and the pressure that was being placed on my palm.

"I hate imprinting," I whispered under my breath as the incarnation of love at first sight walked dejectedly into the midst of our group. I watched as he sighed deeply, the muscles in his chest expanding for a split second. Every ounce of my being strained toward him, and Paul was now holding me back surreptitiously.

I was distracted, though, and Paul's grasp relaxed ever so slightly, as Quil stumbled into the area after Jake. I'd never seen anything more pathetic. His eyes were downcast, and he seemed skinnier. Knowing Quil, he hadn't eaten since Claire had disappeared. Sam came up behind him and clapped a hand on his shoulder, leading him to a spot further away from the rest of us. A thought brushed my mind gently, and I turned to Paul to ask it quietly.

"Why isn't Sam as upset as he should be?"

His response was the typical. "What?" No surprise there.

"Look how beat up Quil and Jacob are. Jake's imprint is perfectly fine – for the moment, at least, and Claire is at least alive. But look at Sam." We both followed my instructions, turning to follow the alpha with our eyes.

"That's really weird." Holy Jesus. Predicted he was going to say that, too.

"Brady." Sam's voice was disapproving, and he glared down his nose at the poor boy, who quickly turned on his tail and sat down in the gravelly sand, cowering. "Now -"

"You're not allowed to," Jacob blurted out. "You're not allowed to hurt my imprint or her family." My heart cracked a little bit more. Paul still hadn't let go of my hand, and we sat down, in perfect sync. And to be honest… it was kind of nice. _Fuck, Leah. Head in the game._

Sam glowered deeply at Jacob. "Unless you think your little renegade pack and the Cullens – or what's left of them, anyways – are going to stop me from even talking, this would be the time to _shut up_."

It was a battle of wills, but eventually Jacob looked away and closed his eyes. I took a deep breath and stood up, Paul's comforting hand slipping out of mine. "I have something I'd like to say," I said, tentatively. Sam nodded, his jaw clenched. "Jacob." He looked up at me, eyes wide. He looked so much like the little kid he used to be not too long ago I almost laughed. But then I remembered the matter at hand. "If you side with the Cullens, I'm leaving your pack. You understand that, right?"

"Leah – you'll be in too much pain to actually -" Seth stuttered out.

"Sure, it'll hurt. Whatever." Now I was glaring at Jake. It seemed like he couldn't look away. I made sure he didn't. "You know what?" I took a step toward him. "I don't want you to be my imprint. I don't need you, and you know what? I don't have to stand and watch as you trample all over my heart for someone you didn't even imprint on!" I screamed. There was nothing else to do. I dive bombed the ground and, somewhere along the way, phased. _And… shit. That was my last good t-shirt._ Paul ran over to me, grabbing my tail as I made for the woods. I snarled and clawed at the ground, but he pulled me back to his seat and started petting my head – as if I were some kind of house pet.

"Leah's just gonna stay like this for a while, 'kay guys?"

Sam nodded. Jacob was still looking at me, completely shell shocked. I sneered in his general direction, then turned back to the center. Billy stood up – I had almost forgotten he was there – and I relaxed back into Paul's leg as he explained the reverse imprinting and Emily's death to all of the werewolves. Jake still hadn't said a word, and I felt an inexplicable urge to wrap my arms around him. Paul scratched just below my ear, and I stretched my neck up so as to make it easier for him. Somebody sniggered. I growled.

"… So what we have to do now is to come up with a strategy to take down the leeches. And, if you wouldn't mind…?" Old Quil finished, looking at Jacob regretfully.

"I can't fight with you," Jacob pleaded. "And I know that Nessie is my imprint. I can tell when I look in her eyes."

"Which are the exact same as Bella's! And you were in love with Bella! Don't you find that just a little bit convincing?" Old Quil yelled.

"Then I can't either," my idiotic little brother proclaimed. "Fight with you, that is." I rolled my eyes, and looked up at Paul. He grinned toothily and pulled his shirt over his head and handed it to me. I trotted off to the nearest, thickest bush and quickly phased back, yanking the shirt over my head. It was long enough to fit, but short enough to make me look like – well, not as chaste as I'd prefer. Embry whistled as I walked back.

"Don't even think about it Seth. Sit your butt back down. Sam, me and Seth have decided to help you. Jake – I don't want to fight you. Please." My chest hurt as I glanced over at him only to see him staring into the fire, brooding. "Alright, then," I said firmly. "You understand why you have to leave now, right, Jacob? And you, too, Billy. I -"

"Our deepest apologies," came a rumbling voice from behind me. Paul wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. "You know why we have to do this."

I didn't look up as Jacob and Billy slowly exited the pack circle, mumbling soft farewells occasionally. Sam followed them for a little while, as the rest of us sat in a fat, uncomfortable silence.

When Sam returned, his eyes were hard and unforgiving – like the surface of the cliff, and Rosalie and Emmett were following him. Every male's eyes immediately drifted over to her, and I shrank further back into Paul's embrace, wanting to feel loved. "Here's the plan." He took a stick and made several dots in the sand. There's Seth, Collin, Brady, Jared, Leah, Paul, Quil, Embry, Rosalie, Emmett, and myself. On their side, they have Edward, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Bella, Renesmee, and -" his voice cracked ever so slightly before he got it back under control "- Jacob. Seth, Collin, and Brady will go after Carlisle. Jared and Embry – Esme. Leah, you can have the pleasure of finishing off Bella. Quil and Paul will take Alice and Jasper. I'll go after Edward, and Rosalie and Emmett will be in charge of making sure that Jacob stays out of the way. Whoever gets a shot at Renesmee will take her. Is that understood?"

There was a general murmur of consent. Old Quil sighed and stood up, stretching. "Get some sleep, okay? You guys need it."


	7. Something

I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: Really nothing to say but sorry for the sporadic updates! Thank you all for your reviews! I get a boost every time I read one.

Chapter Seven: Something

"Hold up, hold up, hold up." The lone objection came from a low voice that carried through the murmurs of getting up. But as I turned to see where it came from, I realized that it was specifically for me. _Dammit._ "Leah. Are you and Paul…?"

My eyes narrowed down into slits. I sashayed slowly forward. "Are Paul and I what, Collin?" _Just a pup. Just a pup. Just a pup. No need to murder him yet._

"Nothing," he squeaked. "Just… that thing before… y'know… you kind of held his hand – and he calmed down and you did the same thing and I don't know I was just wondering because Jared always makes fun of me for being out of the loop and I'm really sorry." The entire explanation was said in one breath. Collin looked a bit purple around the neckline, now, actually.

"Well, Collin. There is absolutely nothing going on between a certain oaf and myself. Understood?" I pressed one finger to his chest. _I'm going to be pissed if you get taller than me. _"No," I drawled. "What Paul and I are is called 'being friends'. You may have never heard of it, because you don't have any, but it's like –"

Collin swallowed hard and sprinted off the edge of the cliff. "What a clown," Seth snickered.

I spun, and sat down in the sand. "Quil?" His face was tight and stressed. Anger, betrayal, and worry were etched into the lines of his face. "C'mon. That entire show was for you. I actually got Collin to jump off a cliff because of me. Imagine what would happen if I actually tried -"

"Leah. Shut up."

I ignored Quil's statement, but I became serious and my voice dropped an octave. "Jacob's a bitch. Don't worry about him. I don't care what happens. I'll rip out his throat myself if that's what it takes to get Claire back safely." Quil looked up – er, down – at me, and I saw the pain that had repeatedly taken needles and stabbed the life out of him.

_Deep. I'll have to remember that one._

"As much as I would love to see that – I know you cant, Leah. Don't make promises." He held out his hand, but I ignored it and pulled myself up.

"Sure, sure. Don't get all hot and bothered on my account, Quilly."

"I'll make sure." Quil strangled himself trying to get a hold of the expression that was currently inhabiting his face – one that was a cross between the sour expression you get while eating a lemon sucker and that of a deer in the headlights. A deer whose brains have been blown out already and is lying on the side of the road, though headlights from a ranger's car are upon the carcass. Shiny, dead eyes, and a distrustful mouth.

_Note to self. Am very descriptive and gory when the time calls for such thoughts. Probably better if said ideas are kept to self._

The end result of the unhappy boy's struggles was a grimace clearly meant to resemble a smile. "And here I thought I was funny. See you tomorrow, Quil." I stood up and shared a quiet look with him before beginning to make my way down the side of the cliff.

"Hey Leah!" The voice was not excited, or happy, or amused, or anything. Just loud. "Nice job flashing everyone!" It was a last attempt at humor from Quil, and I treated it as such. I took a sharp breath and screamed at the top of my lungs, grabbing the shirt just below my ass and sprinted down the cliff.

Laughter boomed from behind me, and I turned my head to make a face at the boys when – BOOM.

My feet slid and the gravel beneath my toes did nothing to either break my fall or slow me down. I settled for falling straight onto my ass. The giggles from those _girls _were hysterical sounding. I looked up into the eyes of the brick wall I'd collided with. "My _ass," _I groaned.

Paul grinned. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?" My stomach dropped, and I leaned over and threw up. Paul grabbed my hair and pulled it into a painful ponytail on the back of my head. "Um, I was kidding, Lee."

I couldn't feel Jake anymore. He was too far away. I had to get to him. That was all that mattered. We were meant to be together. I had to –

I shook my head mutely, trying to rid myself of the evil thoughts. I threw up again, the acid leaving a stinging trail of pain up through my esophagus and over my tongue. "Icanntdoit," I mumbled, moving over slightly so as to be able to lay down on the gravel and stare up at the stars that were beginning to make their debut appearance for the night. I coughed, clearing my throat. "I can't do it. I can't leave Jake – Jacob's pack. It hurts too much."

"Don't throw up again," Paul pleaded. "Please, please don't throw up again. Watching Jared eat about a hundred hotdogs today already made me queasy. I glowered darkly.

"Lemme up."

Paul held out his big hand as if he wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. I sat back onto my hands and pushed myself up, refusing to look him in the eye. "Sorry for knocking into you."

"Anytime. I'll help you home."

"Don't need help."

"I'm helping you anyways."

"I said I don't need help!" Completely going against my wishes, Paul picked me up and swung me over his shoulder. I screamed bloody murder before finding that I didn't care. What was the point? I went limp.

"Leah?" Paul's voice was concerned, and he pulled me back so that I was now cradled in his arms.

"This is beyond humiliating."

He grinned, relieved. "I thought you'd passed out or something."

"Or something." There was a long pause as Paul walked down the path comfortably. The boys were still behind us, and you could hear them whooping from a mile away. I concentrated on my surroundings rather than the heat-filled arms wrapped around me – actually, more like creating a bowl for me to sit in. I felt like macaroni. Not the good kind of macaroni, either. The gross stuff that's been in the refrigerator for months and smells. In a bowl, of course, which was why I was fe…

I sighed under my breath. Welcome to the Crazy Train, Leah. One last attempt to regain my dignity, then. "Paul."

"Yeah?"

"You have ten seconds to put me down – gently! – and walk away."

"And if I don't?"

"Does Billy know that you thought you imprinted on his daughter?"

"Not that I know of… oh. I understand. Okay, gimme a second."

"Eight… seven… six…"

I was dropped unceremoniously in what looked suspiciously like wolf shit. "Oh. My. Fucking. God."

Paul's jaw dropped. "I didn't – I only – it was -"

"Quil," I sighed. The sighing thing was pissing me off. Another bad habit I would have to break. "Well, it's not like we can exactly give him any hell about this. You sure it's not you?"

"Dead positive."

I stood up, careful to walk in a way that didn't let any part of the offending arm touch the rest of my body. "Good term. You are dead, Paul. Not even kidding."

"Ugh, and right in the middle of the path, too."

"Well, I'm going to go home and take a shower. You'd better go, too, before I decide to wipe this on you."

"Here, I'll help you."

Either sympathy had made his brain turn into the macaroni I had been thinking about earlier, or he had joined me on the Crazy Train. With one quick push, I was over the edge of the cliff and smacking the water below.

I pushed to the surface, sputtering and coughing up water that was now polluted with Quil shit. "Paul!" I screeched. "Get your ass down here!"

A second later, the russet-skinned boy had leapt over the edge and was barreling towards me. I dove deep, cussing to myself.

I came up when I was sure he wasn't going to hit me, and glared balefully at the man, who was now wearing a shit-eating grin. A shock ran through my body, and I instantly began to have memories pulled out of the murky depths of my convoluted, messy mind and into the light.

_Cliff jumping with Jacob, the day before he said he loved me…_

_Convincing the child Jake to try jumping off for the first time when he was only six…_

_Jumping off together, somewhere in the middle of adolescence, holding hands and screaming with laughter the entire way down…_

_The huge grin Jake would wear when we hit the water, saying over and over again, "Leah, I'm so glad you're here with me," and believing him…_

"Leah?" I glanced up, forgetting to adorn my face with the usual grimace. "You have to stop thinking about him. Forget him."

And as I treaded in the water that should have been freezing cold to me and thought about this, I realized something.

"Paul, there's no way I can -"

"Just try it. Trust me."

And, inexplicably, I did. I shut my eyes, focusing on moving the water around me. I thought about anything other than Jacob – dancing rhinos, singing trees, being with Paul, being with Seth…

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Even when I wasn't directly thinking about him, Jake was the undertone of all my thoughts and ideas. Without him, I would just be a pile of tissue, nerves, and bones. He had always been the best part of me.

"I love him," I said quietly, my voice hoarse. "I love him, I love him, I love him!" I was howling, now. "What do I have to do, Paul? What do I have to do to make him love me back?"

And Paul did the best he could – pulling me back to shore and leaving me alone to think.


	8. Steps

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: I quite like this chapter. Hopefully you will as well. Have been working on making chapters longer – expect it to continue to grow exponentially until I find a comfortable length. And yes, that did sound wrong. I couldn't find a better way to put it.

Chapter Eight: Steps

I wasn't moping. Quite the contrary, actually. I was refusing to let myself even think about feeling down. Instead, I threw myself into training and strategizing. Every morning I would wake up at five in the morning and went for a run with the cubs – Collin, Seth, and Brady. Breakfast at seven, and then sparring with Rosalie and Emmett until lunch. That was always fun. Suffice it to say that the married couple wasn't exactly - child friendly, what with their blatant sexual desires and adventures. I could only thank God that I didn't have to share a mind with Emmett. And what a fiasco lunch usually turned out to be. The whole pack ate together, even though it wasn't the same without Emily cooking and Jacob cracking jokes. Quil was somber and unresponsive, and Sam (who had apparently just gotten over the shock) was near catatonic – which left Paul, Embry, Jared, Seth, Collin, Brady, and me to keep the atmosphere alive. Afterwards, Seth, Collin, and Brady would work with one of the "senior" wolves. Dinner, and then the pack, the council, and the vamps would gather together in the woods to work. Half of the group would work on logistics, the other half fighting.

It was a comfortable existence. You could almost hear the hopeful movie music playing in the background. There was never any time at all to think. The second I got home every day I passed out on the couch, too tired to even get up the stairs. Seth would wake me up around midnight and drag me to my room.

It felt like we had been on this schedule for ages, when in reality, we had only been doing this for maybe three days. I didn't know. You lost track of time. The joking was scripted, and the laughs strained, though not awkward. We were all focused. Focused on killing the leeches. Focused on avenging Emily.

There were questions that remained unanswered for everyone's sake, though. Like what we were going to do to Jacob if we won. No, not if. When we won. Because they didn't have a chance unless they invited more vampires out – again. But there was really nothing we could do if they did. Because, unlike them, we didn't have friends to call on. It was just us.

Thinking about all of this and trying to train at the same time obviously wasn't my best idea. I growled as Jared landed his first blow – a flying tackle. Suddenly, everything was transformed around me. The trees darkened, and Jared's eyes glinted soullessly. I flew at him, taking him by surprise and pinning the poor guy to the ground. I lowered my jaws slowly to his pulsing jugular and smelled the fear in his sweat. I caressed his throat with my teeth, stopping only when the enemy was trembling right down to his tail. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of pleading and downright terror. I bathed in the glory of having another creature bow down to me. He was afraid. My eyes met his for a brief second. He was afraid.

I snapped away from him, coiling myself like a rubber band with my tail to my nose three meters away. Jared phased back, trying to cover the fact that he was shaking like a leaf. He looked over at me, and motioned for me to phase back as well. I grinned at him, letting my tongue hang out of my mouth. I leapt quietly and phased midair. Rosalie tossed me a shirt and a pair of shorts, which I threw on hurriedly. "Nice fight." I was still smiling like a fool. He walked over almost cautiously, and I rolled my eyes. "I won't bite," I coaxed, as if talking to a dog. Jared looked at me for one second more, and then jumped on me, cheering and yelling.

"You did it, you did it," Emmett hollered, swinging Rose in the air and then coming over to ruffle my hair and give me a painful high five.

"Sam," I called, placing my hands on my hips. He moved into view, walking towards me through a path automatically made by the pack. He stopped, a mere five feet from me, and raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I think I'm fucking ready for this.

The broadest smile I'd seen on his face for a long time (it was a tiny, remorseful little thing that played on the corner of his lips) stole away my attention. But only for a second. "Paul, Embry – your turn. Jared and Leah deserve a break. You guys can relax, now."

I pulled Jared with me to go sit near Rosalie. "Hey, Rosalie," I groaned, feeling my thighs burn as I sat down. She turned to me, and her amber eyes were glowing. "What, did you and Emmett just get finished -"

She scrunched her nose up prettily. "We may actually really have a chance here. Of course, Edward knows exactly what we are doing at every moment, which is a little scary, but other than that – with you guys fighting like that – there's no way we can lose."

"Rosalie?" Jared somehow knew that this was the time for him to go join the other boys. Paul and Embry were circling each other, teeth bared, both just about ready to phase. "Can I ask you something? Wait, screw it, I'm asking you anyways. "You've always wanted a baby."

"That's not a question, wolf-girl."

"Maybe if you had let me finish…"

"Maybe if you got to the point…" I grinned.

"What about Renesmee? You've basically raised her. She could really be your kid, except that we saw grizzly bear Bella, and she looks exactly like Edward and has those horrid eyes."

The molten amber hardened into something resembling the shell I put on when I was forcing the rest of the world out. I didn't apologize. I didn't take it back. I waited, patiently. "Renesmee," she forced out, "Is not my child. I wouldn't have had to raise her if her parents had given a fuck and occasionally come out from their house and spent more time with their own kid than screwing each other all the time. I see it as Bella's punishment. She and Alice have no idea what to do with the girl. She's had the most spoiled, terrible childhood possible."

There was a ripping noise, and both our heads snapped to see Embry and Paul snarling and lunging at each other, clawing with paws as big as my face. "I'm starting to feel bad for the thing," I muttered, stubbing my toes into the loose dirt.

"Don't," Rosalie stated sharply. "Don't. Seriously. She takes after her mother – and seems to have acquired only the worst of her father's traits."

"You say that like her father possesses any admirable aspects whatsoever." Her laugh was clear and sparkling, like a cool glass of champagne on a summer's day. I watched jealously as several of the boys turned to ogle. "So what does this make Re-name-me?"

"Arrogant, but always innocent. Polite, but infuriating. Pretty, but illogical. You see what I'm getting at. Demanding, but always says 'please' and 'thank you.' By the end of an hour with her, you're just about ready to strangle her yourself. But it's not like I could just not help her, you know? That would be worse than murder." She went silent, pretending to be studying the boys.

"Still, that's how she was shown to be by – well, let's be honest. The entire Cullen coven."

Rosalie smiled – and I could tell that it was real. "Is our favorite little dog going soft on us? But yes, I have always wanted a child. I have a question as well, little miss there's-absolutely-nothing-going-on-even-though-I-might-have-a-strange-connection-with-another-hot-werewolf. What is going on with you and Paul?"

I stopped myself from sighing. Good. First steps on a long journey. I settled for leaning back on my hands, wiggling into a more comfortable position on the pine needle-strewn ground. The smell of fresh grass and the last rays of the sun bidding adieu to the land lingered like lace in the air. Though why lace would be hanging around in the air for any length of time was beyond me.

"Don't worry, pup, it's not like I'm waiting or anything."

"Great. If you don't mind, I'm just going to get a little bit more comf -"

Rosalie kicked me. "Ow! Jesus Christ, I'm in enough pain as it is! Do you get some kind of sick pleasure from torturing me?"

"Yes. Now, I'm assuming there's a story?" Again with the almost sigh. Maybe it's just the situation. God help me.

"Paul and I grew up together. It was always either me and him or me and… yeah. Anyways, I was a stupid little kid -" here my story took on a bitter tone "- and promised him that I would do anything for him. And it was true, of course. When… my other friend would get this glazed I've-had-one-too-many-donuts look in his eye and start ranting about how much he loved… this girl who visited like a week every year, I used to imagine that Paul was my prince charming. He would come sweep me off my feet and love me forever, and Ja – my other friend could go off and live with an ugly, flat chest-ed evil stepsister, but we would all be best friends forever and hang out in the courtyard and that she-devil would be jealous of me, what with my best friend and a man whom I loved more than life."

I took a second to gather my thoughts. The fight was nearing an end – Embry was limping a little, and had a gash above his left flank. "Of course, that was only when I got really lonely. It was always Jacob. It's always been Jake." I hugged my knees to my chin, watching as Paul locked his teeth around Embry's throat, and pulled back the corner of his lips victoriously. I had a weird feeling in my stomach, as if I had to try and defend my love for Jacob, and wasn't sure exactly how to go about doing this.

"You're just like Bella," Rosalie said disgustedly.

My mouth dropped open. "What?"

"They were interchangeable to you. Paul and Jacob. You didn't deserve either of them. In fact, judging by the way you've been acting around these boys, they all are the same to you. You're a slut."

I felt the water well in the bottom of my eyes. To anyone else, I would have yelled at them to go eff themselves, and stalked off. With Rosalie, though, I knew that she was doing her best to help me. After all, she had told me specifically that if she needed a reality check, I was supposed to give her one in the most brutal way possible.

The water evaporated. "I was four, Rosalie. Four. And I was only telling you that because it features heavily in the next part of the story that you wanted to hear. Anyways, I had my first experience with a vampire when I was probably five or six. Unknowingly, of course. I wasn't as genius as I am now." I allowed myself a smirk, and saw that I was forgiven in her eyes when she offered the same to me. "Ever wonder what happens to a kid who gets bitten by a vampire, but hasn't phased just yet?"


	9. Clarity

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: Hey, guys. Sorry for the wait. Don't worry about the ending – everything will be explained, and maybe even repealed in the end. Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone. :)

Chapter Nine: Clarity

Her stone face was as unmoving as the fear in my mind. I glanced quickly around us, then grabbed her arm and attempted to tug her into the undergrowth that circled the clearing petulantly, wanting in. My efforts were futile – Rosalie was not moving. I glared and gave a slight head nod towards the other wolves, not wanting anyone else to hear. No one except for Paul and me knew the story. With a giant huff, I sat down again, mocking the bushes. Even the breeze was too afraid to push the tendrils of spun gold into Rosalie's eyes. She blinked once, not because she needed to, but merely to spread the venom back over her eyeballs.

That disgusting thought jolted me out of my half-dazed state. Gross.

"What happened?" Rosalie shifted so she was sitting on her knees, and I felt the same way I did when I had gone to a sleepover with my two best friends, Kim and Christine, when we were younger – and Christine was just about to share the latest gossip with us. A pang of longing hit me, but I pushed it away and winced. There were way too many stupid things that I had done in the past.

The words began to spill out of my mouth, without me consciously thinking about them. I had recited the story so many times in my head that it felt natural. Sam had called up the next two – Seth and Collin. Paul and Embry were celebrating by popping open a couple of beers and corrupting Brady.

_A boy and a girl were walking hand in hand, laughing and skipping as their third best friend tried to reason with a pouting seven year old who looked extremely pale and sickly next to the three healthy-looking five year olds. The second boy finally gave up and stomped away, refusing to admit his defeat to the other two. They watched him go for a brief moment, but moved on quickly without asking questions, as toddlers often do._

_The cool summer breeze that perpetually permeated any sort of layer they wore – though they wore none – filled their hair and eyes, making the latter water. The little girl broke away and sprinted as fast as her chubby little legs would carry her before jumping into a spin. The boy giggled before running after her and copied her move, falling a bit short, though neither noticed. The raven-haired boy grabbed her hand for a second time and gesticulated towards the woods, which lay – peaceful and open, as if someone had made a map and simply let it unfurl over the rolling hills and flats._

_His other fist was clenched as he strained towards the forest, talking excitedly about a spot that would be just perfect for a fort. He described the area with such precision and clarity – the little girl would it remember it for the rest of her life. There was a leaning tree – a fat one, too, which made it look like a little green Santa Clause had keeled over and rested his forehead against the aspen tree next to it. The aspen had little black scores up the entire thing, and they reminded the boy of his father's eyes, which gave both children a little giggle, feeling very grown up as they did so._

_There was a neat pile of stones and boulders next to the tree, and almost at a right angle to the obtuse tree. The rocks were gnarled and twisted, with little tiny air bubbles, like a cake. They were grey, but had giant paint splotches of orange and green from the lichen. The rocks looked like they could have been used in the wall of a castle one time, he confided in her quietly, protecting his words from the older kids – who would want to steal their wonderful new secret. Except they were all oddly shaped and wouldn't fit in the wall of a castle very nicely._

_The floor of the spot was brown and crunch with brown pine needles and tiny brown bugs. The dirt, he said, was warm and wouldn't hurt if they tried to climb the aspen tree and fell. It was squishy, he laughed, and demonstrated falling down and rolling around in the pine needles. The little girl covered her mouth with her hands, as if trying to contain the giggles that threatened to escape – just like her mother and father. He looked up at her with eyes full of adoration from where he lay on the ground. She offered him her sticky little palm, which he grabbed onto eagerly._

_There were more trees, too, he told her. They stretched inward, like his mommy did after a long car ride, and left a rectangular skylight slightly to the left of the dead middle. He told her that if they only gathered some of the sticks nearby that had fallen from the sky – or at least it seemed this way to the children – they could make walls and sit inside and it would be their own sanctuary from the teasing of the bullies in his class and the stifling presence of the girls from her own. And maybe they could even capture the second boy and keep him away from the muddy, demented snowflake (the girl's term, not his own) and keep him in their kingdom._

_You be queen, he said, on sudden inspiration. And I'll be the king. The little girl agreed immediately, on the one condition that it was a queendom instead._

_He went on. He didn't need to, though. He had her at the word 'fort.'_

_His excitement was contagious, and the girl found herself bouncing on her heels, waiting impatiently for him to stop talking and take her to the wonderful spot. She pinched his arm. The boy yelped and pointed north-west into the woods. She gave a little bunny-hop of happiness and importance. The boy rubbed his arm, flinching every time he touched the sore spot. He was, however, under the same delusion as many his age – that if it hurt when it was touched, you were to continuously rub at it until the pain went away._

_She grinned at him, and at the escape from the girls in her own class that would rather poke fun at her and try on fluffy dresses than run around and make forts. She was also quite happy with the attention she was being paid. With a new baby at home, the girl was often forgotten. Her mother's only instructions were to take a lunch with her and be home in time for dinner. She shook her long hair out of her eyes and off of her shoulders before deciding that she would rather have it over her ears._

_The little boy smiled back at her, barring the empty space where his tooth should have been, before running off, the girl hot on his heels. Veering off to the right, he made the decision to take her the long way so as to preserve the mystery and awe it had caused in him when he had first stumbled upon the treasure. Just not in so many words._

_The girl panted dramatically when they finally reached their destination and threw herself down on the ground, smiling impishly up at the boy. He fell next to her, not having to fake his exhaustion. Maybe they had strayed a bit too close to the cliff where their dads and occasionally mothers would jump off into the freezing, churning water below, or hadn't made enough noise near the bear cave that was apparently the "best spot for truth or dare," but they had made it there alright, which was the important thing, of course._

_The girl jumped to her feet and trotted over to the aforementioned clearing. There was a small intake of breath as she spun on the toes of her well-worn white and blue striped trainers – which were the antithesis of the pink sandals her classmates (excluding the boys) wore. The boy had been with her when she had gotten them – her dad had picked them out with her, while her mother grumbled in the background, holding a pair of purple flip-flops. The little boy sat on a chair while his grandpa measured his feet. The girl had insisted that he and their other friends got the same shoes as she did._

_He followed her into the semicircle, pausing only briefly to admire the small, etched in heart on the tree. The girl followed him and frowned with concentration as she studied the drawing. She said the boy's name softly, though he was next to her._

_I think this is someone else's spot, she said quietly, disappointed. P and L's. She laughed, then. Pandles!_

_The boy smirked as well as he could, considering his facial features weren't used to the strange expression. He then explained to her patronizingly, which caused her to shove him into the tree, though she obviously appreciated the gesture. While the boy was rubbing his head painfully, she traced the small heart with a small finger, which she then shoved up her nose._

_Finding nothing interesting, she returned it to her mouth and turned to ask the boy whether or not their friend would approve._

_She came face-to-face with a pair of blood red eyes and screamed._

_The man smiled charmingly down at her. He told her that he was looking for two children to be in a commercial he had written about his new brand of cookies. In fact, he'd brought some with him to share with them._

_The little girl first found the hand of her partner in crime before reaching out slowly to touch the stranger's face. He looked up at her, and wondered about the cleanliness of the finger pressing into his cheek. She pressed her palm flat to his face, and told him that he needed a sweater and chicken soup, just as her mother always said. He laughed, handing her a vanilla wafer._

_The little boy took a step so he was half-way in front of the girl, and accepted a chocolate cookie warily. The girl removed her hand so as to have both free to shove the cookie in her mouth, and invited the man (through the crumbs sprayed directly in his face) to come in. She looked at the boy, and waited for his consent, which came after a brief pause in which he sized up the stranger._

_The boy and man got talking, with the girl adding her input (especially in the sports department) and, more often than not, a snarky comment to go with it. By the end of their meeting, in which the man (who introduced himself as Gideon LeFoghorn – as the girl heard it, anyways) claimed to have gotten a good idea of how to utilize them in the commercial, he was rolling with laughter at almost everything the girl said. The boy felt that he was partially responsible for them meeting in the first place, and grinned along. The girl was oblivious to all of this, busy taking her pinkie and removing all the crumbs from her shorts and t-shirt and stuffing them in her mouth._

_I think you'll do perfectly, he said slowly, an almost bloodthirsty smile covering his face. The two kids smiled like fools at each other. Come here, he said to the girl. I want to take your measurements so that I know what size costume to get you both._

_Obediently, she stretched and stumbled to his arms, catching herself on his shoulder. He smiled at her, and put his hand on hers, bringing it up as if to see it more clearly. She allowed him, taken in by his good looks and obvious charm. He brought it up and spun her around like a ballerina. She giggled, and the boy smiled._

_There was a crashing noise as another man walked through the woods, looking for his daughter and her best friend. The red-eyed man started, grabbing the little girl and biting her in the first place his teeth could make contact – the inside of her neck, where it connected with her shoulder. She squealed indignantly as the man took a second to enjoy the taste of her sweet blood, which pumped itself into his mouth of its own accord._

_Agonizingly, he pulled away and looked her directly in the eye. If you ever are confused about what you are, or who you are, come to me, he pleaded. Look me up, he said urgently, before sprinting off._

_The second man called out for his daughter. She screamed, her neck now bleeding profusely, and the little boy jumped up to try and catch her as she stumbled – though he only succeeded in breaking her fall seeing as he tripped and her back collided with his._

_Her dad was now sprinting towards them, and all the little animals were gone in a blink of an eye as he thundered towards them. Without asking questions, he grabbed her and held her cradled in one arm and grabbed the hand of the little boy. They ran together until they reached the edge of the red dirt road._

_The boy looked into the face of the man, and, for the first time in his short life, saw true fear and panic. The man hesitated for the briefest of moments, indecision flitting across his broad nose and thick eyebrows._

_Then they were running again, this time towards their missing friend's house. It wasn't a particularly long way, but the boy felt every muscle in his body screaming in tune with the screeches emanating from the girl's mouth._

_The stairs loomed in front of them, and the boy tripped up them gratefully, collapsing finally on the wood floor of the house. The man still had the girl, and the boy pulled himself up to follow them into the living room. She had stopped screaming now, and the silence was deafening, banging on the little boy's temples until he put his hands on his ears and pushed down on his head._

_The boy leaned on the doorway, breathing hard. His friend was set down on the couch, writhing with pain. The adults (his dad, her parents, and their friend's dad) formed an angry wall next to her, blocking off the sofa. There were loud voices and furious words, though the boy didn't understand most of what they were saying. Because this was the case, he attempted to wriggle his way into the crowd, only to be reprimanded and sent back on his way with barely a sideways glance._

_The girl lay quietly, trying to move as little as possible. The bite on her neck still had blood seeping from it, and before she knew it, she was being loaded onto a big white truck with red markings on it. It drove quickly, and she was afraid of a car crash, thinking dryly that that would just be the sprinkles on the ice cream. She was also positive that that wasn't the correct phrase, but she was still a bit confused and blurry, and didn't look too much into the matter._

_She started the multiplication table in her head, but didn't know much past one times one and two times two. She needed something to concentrate besides the doctors and white coats and metal equipment that surrounded her. Her head was feeling as if it could just float up and fly away from her. She tried to picture that – a head with long brown hair being carried off into the sky, blood oozing –_

_She threw up._

_The hospital arrivation (was that a word? She didn't remember) came as a surprise to the driver, who seemed to slam on his breaks a bit harder than necessary. Then she was being bundled off again, and finally realized that her father had been in the ambulance with her, sitting as quietly as she had._

_The hospital, quite honestly, was not as sterile as she had hoped, even though it was the Forks center. And as she was pushed into the EMERGENCY area, she glared at the doctor weakly and asked in a hoarse, accusatory tone if he had washed his hands._

_The boy, who burst in not two minutes after the girl had arrived, ran after her, his palm cut and bleeding. He yelled her name, and she turned her head. The nurse pushing her stopped and let the little boy catch up. The girl asked him why the frog (her version of a word she would use many times in the future) he had cut his palm. He explained his idea, and a slow smile slid across her face._

_The nurse moved forward to ask him to leave, but watched with fascinated horror as the girl slid down her sleeve and bared her shoulder to the boy, who pressed his palm to the wound. Both winced, and the nurse finally came forward to yank him away. The little girl waved to him cheerily as she was wheeled away._

_There was no need for a transfusion, though it took them ages to find a bandage that wrapped around the wound tightly. And the little girl…_

"… Was never able to wear a string bikini again." Rosalie looked at me with shocked eyes, as if I had spouted Shakespeare. "You don't have to look that shocked, you know. I was just kidding about the bikini thing. I just arrange the bow so that it –"

She moved forward slowly and pushed aside the thin cotton of my shirt and stared, open-mouthed at the scar. "Yes, well, if you're quite finished, I was just about to tell you that the bow on your swim suit can just be moved over -"

"You should be dead." I considered saying something about interrupting, but let it pass and raised my eye brows.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"I had no idea – so that's why…?"

"Yeah, me and Paula over there have been inseparable ever since." My tone was sarcastic and biting, even to my own ears.

"But it's more than that, isn't it?"

"We share blood. Yeah. I know. I wonder if that would screw things up if we ever had kids together." I laughed. She didn't.

"Why didn't you die?"

"I thought we had already been through this. I. Have. No. Idea. Comprendes?"

"So you…"

"And Paul. No idea, but my dad thought we were – are – part leech. How much does that suck?"


	10. Would

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update. I've had a stressful, drama-filled month, but hey! Got accepted into college and a kiss from the boy of my dreams!**

Chapter Ten: Would

Of course she had a million questions. Hell, I know I do. Like, are there other humanoid life forms on different planets in our universe? Will Jacob ever even notice me now that Rename-me has arrived? Am I really part vampire?

Luckily for me, though, Paul himself took this moment to yell crude things in our direction and toss us each a beer. "Dunno if you can drink this," he shrugged to Rosalie. "But I know that if there's one thing I would want to eat after being vampified, this would be it." She declined politely by throwing it at his head and telling him that he was an insufferable bastard.

Which had me rolling on the ground laughing.

Mentally, of course.

Sam called off the drills and told us to go home and get some rest. I quickly ran over to him and explained that I wouldn't be able to come to the major part of training the next day because of my job as a handyman – er, girl – and all of the day after that. He consented with a brisk nod of his head. I grabbed my duffel bag from the back of Jared's truck (the lazy idiot had been "too tired" to run over. More like "too busy with Kim doing unmentionable and scarring acts so I have to go really fast at the last second"), waved to Emmett and jogged over to the Blacks' house, my heart banging against my chest painfully with every step.

The stairs seemed to grow as I got closer, but I forced them back down with my feet as I pounded up them. I didn't need to knock.

Billy opened the door and smiled wearily at me. "Hey, Lee. What are you doing around here? Jake's in his room, if you -"

"Sorry, Billy," I said, forcing the grimace that wanted to grace my features into a grotesque excuse for a smile. "Just was wondering if you still had those weights…?"

"Sure, sure," Billy said, his eyes dimming just the slightest bit. "And how are you holding up? Why don't you sit down and have a mug of hot chocolate, Lee, like you used to with me?"

Billy looked up at me with the puppy dog eyes. "I mean, who knows how much longer I'm going to be around? What if this -"

"Shut up, old man," I grumbled, smiling in spite of myself. "Go get me some hot chocolate. I'll get the mugs – no, don't even start. I know for a fact that you can't reach the top shelves."

Billy whistled to himself quietly as he bustled around looking for the chocolate syrup. "Put some of the peppermint liquor in it, too," he said. "I've had a long day, and seeing as you train twenty-four-seven, I'm assuming you have as well."

I stirred the chocolate into the warm milk gently, and my imagination decided to smite me one more blow. I imagined standing at this very counter, Billy giving mock orders from the couch in the other room. Jake would come up behind me, wrapping his long, warm arms around my waist, and whisper in my ear, making me laugh. He'd kiss me, and it would be long and sweet and hot. And then Billy would yell at us and tell us to keep it down because there was a game on, and then –

_And we're hopping off the crazy train right… now._

"Leah? How's that chocolate coming?"

"Sorry, Billy. Your mug burnt. Guess I'll just have to drink it alone." I grinned to myself as I listened to him bluster away in the living room. There was the slow creaking sound of a door opening cautiously. I froze, dropping the spoon into one of the mugs. I grabbed the other one and dumped it down the drain, refusing to do anything but act. Without speaking, I sprinted into the other room, dropped Billy's cup on the table and moved uncomfortable from one foot to the other.

"Dad? Is someone here?" A warm, sleep-filled voice came from the hallway with the sound of bare feet padding down the wooden floor.

"Billy," I hissed. "The weights. Can I borrow them?"

"Garage," he told me slowly, taking his chocolate and avoiding my eyes. I didn't bother to answer, just crashed through the room and out the door, kind of smashing into the door in my haste. I pounded through the soggy bog that was the Blacks' yard and threw myself into Jake's garage.

It smelled like him. I wrinkled my nose unhappily and contemplated how stalker-ish that sounded. My ears pricked and my scalp crawled. The front door had opened and slammed again. _Shit._

I frantically looked around, before locating the chunks of heavy metal in the corner. Even from where I stood – behind Jake's Rabbit – I could see _Lh Clrwtr _etched into the side of one. And I knew that if I cared to look, I would see _Hppy Brthdy Jk _on the hidden end. I ripped the zipper on my duffel all the way across in one swift movement while simultaneously searching for hiding places. The footsteps were tracing mine through the mud now, and the squelching was getting louder every second, though the steps were measured.

The weights were quickly tossed into the bag, and I quietly opened the window facing the house stoutly. Out the bag went. It hit the ground silently, sinking slightly in the squishy terrain just outside.

Unfortunately, I was quite a bit larger than my relatively small duffel bag, and had to figure out how to wriggle out without making any noise.

When the door was tossed as far back as it would go, I was half-way out, one leg sticking out awkwardly, the other balancing me on the dirt floor. I glanced up and my eyes widened with shock as I took in the heavily muscled body of a seventeen year old with cropped raven hair. The absolute last person I wanted to see right now.

"What exactly are you doing?" I whipped my other leg back into the room, overbalancing and nearly careening into his baby – the car, that is.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked petulantly, folding my arms and meeting his deep brown, almost black eyes. He grinned, and I almost died from the shock. "Um, hello?"

Jake moved towards me slowly. "It looks like you're trying to escape."

"Nice job. Can I use the door now that you're here?"

The pull to reach him was irresistible now. I gripped the windowsill tightly, feeling each grain of wood and finding a new appreciation for each. Jake came so close that if I had reached out an arm, I would have hit him in the jaw. I waited for the torrent of anger, thoroughly confused now.

Jake closed his eyes and found my elbows with his big, warm hands. I resisted slightly. What the fuck was going on?

_Holy… mother… fu –_

His lips were warm and soft, molding with mine and sending rushes of heat through my body. My mind blinked out into nonexistence, and I lost all conscious thought.

Jake's mouth moved with mine, and he moved his hands from my elbows to my head and lower back. My hand had released the windowsill and I tentatively shifted so I was closer to him. Jake pushed me up against the wall, crushing my body against his. I could feel every line of his rock hard body against mine. His tongue met mine half-way, and the universe tilted. A low moan sounded from the back of Jake's throat, and a shiver ran through me. His fingers tangled in my hair.

_Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea._

There was nothing but Jacob. His blinding smile. His piercing, velvet eyes. His warmth. His – well, honestly, his roc- hard abs.. His caring personality.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. Jake's hands traveled down the outside of my thighs, stopping next to my ass. In a blindingly hot second, I had my legs wrapped around his waist, his palms supporting me.

He tasted like hot chocolate and peppermint – he must have taken a sip of Billy's drink – and oranges. And something that was so decidedly Jacob that I couldn't compare it to anything else.

His tongue tangled fiercely with my own as he sat me on the hood of his car. Jake's lips were rough and fast moving, and it was all I could do to keep up.

Though I was positive afterwards that I had noticed the downward motion, at the time, shock ran through my system when I realized that my back had just touched down on the glossy cover of the car. My legs relaxed, swinging down to hit the front of the vehicle, and I briefly hoped I hadn't damaged it in any way.

We broke apart, panting, breathing ragged. There was no vulnerability going into the second round. Before I could even contemplate what was happening, Jake had ripped my shirt off. Literally. As in, in half. Not that it bothered me all too much.

I stopped moving, and sat up, guiding Jake's head with my own so as not to crack skulls with me. That boy had a hard head.

"Lee-Lee," Jake groaned, opening his eyes and grabbing my hand to help me up.

"Jake?" My voice was shaky, still recovering. "Jacob."

He met my eyes bashfully. "I – won't you stay with me, Lee-Lee?"

I sputtered, pushing him out of the way. "What the fuck, Jacob Black? Did you just make out with me to get me to defend the leeches with you?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "You are the lowest scum I have ever had the misfortune to meet!" I screamed.

Pain twisted his features. And it said everything for him. "Lee -"

"Don't you dare!" I had reached a level of furious energy that was causing my hands to shake so fast they looked like blurs. Not that I knew that, of course. I was focused on the boy in front of me, who seemed to have shrunk just a little bit. "Don't you dare call me that! You have no right! You -" I hadn't noticed the tears streaming down my cheeks until I began to sob, beating his chest with my fists.

I turned around and kicked the passenger side door of his car. "Fuck you," I hissed.

"Leah!" he pleaded. "I have to keep Renes -"

Fire burned in my eyes, which were now dry and red. I phased instantly, planting both of my front paws on his chest and forcing him to the ground. I opened my large maw and aimed for his jugular, which was pulsing faster than normal – even for a werewolf.

I imagined hot blood spurting out in hot gushes, the light dimming behind his eyes, though he'd have one second of recognition of the pain he'd just dished out so easily. It would be so easy. And his throat was right there. The skin would break easily – barely a touch from my sharp fangs would do the trick. And from there, everything would be crushed and broken.

I snarled – the coward wasn't going to phase – you could see it in the newly-formed resolution in his eyes. _That's right, _I thought venomously. _You son of a bitch._

A gargled, choking noise stopped me. It took me a second to realize that it was my esophagus slowly closing. That and the feeling of a leash being tightened around my throat. I was ripped off of Jacob, shaking my head and clawing at the tire of his car as I was dragged back.

At the door of the garage, I was released inexplicably from the chokehold. I threw my body through the air, attempting to see my attacker. In the doorway stood… nobody.

Illumination was granted instantly. _Fucking imprint. God-fucking-dammit. _I moved to get at the boy who was just now sitting up on his elbows. _I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou I hate you!_

The invisible line pulled me back. Barbed wire seemed to snake around my furry neck. I whimpered, before retreating out of the small shed. Jacob tried one last time. "Leah!"

I barked out a "Fuck you!" as loud as I could. I was pretty sure he could at least infer from my fucking demeanor what I was trying to say.

Sue was back when I got home. I had to give her some credit, she really was pulling a piece of her amazing seven-layer lasagna out of the oven for me. But, really? This was the fucking moment that she chose to suddenly show up?

She held it out to me as a peace offering. I walked over unhappily, taking the warm plate from her and pulling a fork out of the drawer behind me. Sue studied her feet as the kettle steamed, and I watched her with careful, guarded emotions. Her face was drawn – the exact same way she had looked when she had admitted to having an affair with Harry while she was in a relationship with a man who really could be my real dad. But there was something new, too. Her eyes had the sparkle that used to only light up her face when dad – Harry – would do something especially childish, like swinging her through the air before kissing her full on the lips.

The lasagna was hot, and I'm sure it tasted really good. None of Sue's cooking tasted like shit, unlike my own. But I was shoveling it down my throat so fast, it really didn't matter. The atmosphere was tense, and I wanted out of there. As in, now. Each fucking time the pasta brushed my lips, I inwardly retched, thinking of how Jacob's mouth felt against mine. I wondered briefly if it was possible for a wolf to commit suicide.

Reality hit me in a blinding flash of light. Who would miss me? Sue's left hand was shoved deep into her pocket, and I knew with sickening certainty why she had waited up for me. She evidently wouldn't need the primary money-maker in the house anymore. And she didn't even notice when I was gone – so Sue wouldn't miss me. Bitch.

Obviously Jacob Black fucking wouldn't.

Rosalie and Emmett? While we were slowly making progress in the let's-try-not-to-kill-each-other-and-be-friends area, I had no freaking doubt that they would be more concerned with their sex life.

The piece of shit – Jacob – wouldn't. Bastard.

The boys? Not likely. I was the bitchy one, after all. They'd probably be relieved if I were gone.

Seth would be hurt for a while. But he'd get over it. I wasn't too concerned about the kid. If there was one person who could bounce back from anything, he'd be the one.

But the pack needed me to fight. My mind cleared. I'd wait to even consider any of that shit until the whole Claire/Esme thing was fucking over and done with. And I could not wait until it was.

Sue cleared her throat. I had forgotten she was there, and jumped half a fucking mile straight up. "Leah…?"

"Yeah?" I asked absently, voice thick with tomato sauce. _Maybe if I shove it in my mouth fast enough, I can get upstairs and away from this…_

"I have something to tell you. Well, I would have told you earlier, but I have no idea where you and Seth are. Ever. Where do you go? What are you doing?"

The fork clinked against the scraped clean plate. I put it in the sink carefully, careful to control my expression before I turned around. Though I did allow myself a grimace of disgust that was reflected grimly in the dark, mirror-like window beyond the sink. The look slowly faded into a small pock-mark that was hidden in the corner of my mouth.

"Training, mom. But maybe if _you_ were home just once in a while, you'd know that. Did you know that Billy's been in the hospital? Did you know that Seth has a girlfriend? Do you even have the slightest inkling of what the fuck is going on with the Cullens and the pack? Did you know that I imprinted on Jacob, and he broke my heart? Do you remember your own freaking kids? The ones you abandoned to go be BFFL's with Charlie and his twig insect of a daughter? No, you didn't know any of that." I glared at her. "Those are things a mother should be able to trust her kids to tell her about. So if you want our trust, you earn it."

Her lips pursed and turned white around the edges. Sue's eyes narrowed balefully. "Don't use language like that around me. You're well enough to use it by yourself – heaven knows you would curse a kitten if it happened to cross your path on the wrong day – but I am your mother and you will respect me."

I snorted, knowing that indifference was the only thing that would really grate on her nerves. "Sure, sure, mom. Whatever you say. Now, you were going to tell me something? Because I'm so tired I could just about pass out right now."

"Seth's got a girlfriend?"

I sighed exasperatedly. Of course this was the one thing she'd picked out. "Yes, mom. Her name is Sarah. She's pretty cool. Me and Seth had her over for dinner. She was kinda freaked that our mom didn't give a fu – dge that her only son had a girlfriend, but she got over it fast. Why weren't you here? Oh, yeah, because you're slee – spending quality time with the chief of police. Time you could 'never make' for dad."

She flushed, her cheeks turning an ugly puce, and her neck whitening until you could almost see her veins through her tan skin.

"For your information," she hissed. "I am not – as you say – 'spending quality time' with Charlie. He has just barely gotten over the fact that his daughter has become a vampire, and he is now a grandfather. And he still hurts about Renee."

Bella's mom's name was said with such a burning taste of hate and disgust that I immediately took her side. "Renee did what she had to do, mom. And don't pretend like you never thought about leaving dad. Or that you never slept with anyone but him."

Sue shrieked with fury, raising her hands as if to tear out her own hair. "You don't even know Renee. And for your information, you brat, I stayed loyal to your father." She looked at me, eyes filled with angry tears. "I never ran around chasing boys that I didn't mean anything to."

That was it. I slammed my fist into the wall, leaving a large hole where the plaster split and bleeding knuckles that were attached to my hand – but I couldn't feel quite yet. The healing process would get to them before the nerves in my hand realized that a message should be sent to the brain, saying that I was hurt.

"So what is this big news that you've got to share with me, anyway?" I spat, fighting the trembling in my hand and the molten anger burning through my mind. "Going to move to California without us? Gonna take a vacation in Peru with Charlie, and you want me to house-sit? Have you decided that enough is enough, and you're shacking up with a stranger you met at the bar, and will send us monthly payments for groceries?"

Sue yanked her left hand from her pocket, where it had been placed after her brief moment of wanting to kill me, and stuck the silver band in my face. The first tears had now fallen over the brink, and were turning her eyes red as she studied my expression. I was aiming for blank nothingness, but probably ended up with something closer to a mixture of pain, anger, and respect.

Respect because she was willing to risk her life for love.

Anger because she could find her happily ever after, and I was still Lonely Lee.

Pain because that hammered metal represented the last hope I'd cherished of my mom never moving on. Never finding anybody else that she would rather live her life with.

I opened my mouth to let out words I knew I could never say. I closed it again, keeping warnings and admonishments and screams of rage in a place where I knew I could bottle them up.

_Go talk to the council. They'll knock some sense into you._

_You're ruining everything!_

_Why can't you just leave it alone? We were a happy family until you decided to get back in the dating game. Didn't you think about us at all? What if we're not okay with this?_

_I hate you!_

_You're putting the whole pack, not to mention yourself and your fiancé and La Push, and the entire town of Forks in danger for something you think is real!_

"That's great, mom. And I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've just had a long day. Long, long day." The resentment flooded out of me. And I hated myself for it. My mom and I came to blows often, but it was impossible for either of us to go very long without forgiving the other. Which sucked ass.

Sue reached out her arms, and I complied patiently. "Don't you do that again," she whispered. "Don't you do that again. I'll be home more often. I'll be the mom you should have."

I sighed. "I'm going to go to bed, now, mom. I'm super tired, and I've gotta be up early tomorrow."

She patted me on the shoulder gently. "See you in the morning."

I bounded up the stairs, pausing for a brief moment at the top to watch my mother carefully. She was twisting her hand around under the dim kitchen lighting, as if trying to find the perfect position to let it catch the light and reflect the promise of eternal happiness back at her.

I caught the door behind me before it slammed, and crashed face-down onto the comfortingly cool quilt on top of my bed. And before I had a chance to pull off my t-shirt, I was snoring in a way that was not lady-like or proper at all.


	11. Possible

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Hey, guys. I made a huge mistake. It the first or second chapter, I mentioned that it had been a year since Renesmee's birth. That should have been a couple of years, not just one. Once again, sorry for the delay. *Sigh. There are no excuses, though. Sorry. Review and I'll give you a sneak peek into the next chapter! Yes, I am apparently not above bribery. Thank you so much for the reviews that I have – they mean the world to me. XD**

Chapter Eleven: Window

Let it be known that Leah Clearwater is not a morning person. In fact, if you'd like to escape with your life, it's better to steer clear of her in the morning.

Unless, of course, you were one of my absolute favorite people in the world. And that's not likely, because there were only three of them.

And at the moment, Jacob I'm-hot-and-you-imprinted-on-me-so-I-can-do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-to-you Black was not one of them.

My luck being the way it was, all three of said people thought it would be funny to jump on my bed at an un-godly hour and tickle me until I begged for mercy. I thought it would be funny to throw them out the window.

Seth groaned from the ground two stories below. "My head…" he whined.

"Don't care," I sniffed, grabbing a pair of short-shorts, a t-shirt, and my favorite green sweatshirt from the crappy plastic/wood dresser. I knew for a fact that I had pushed them from a height they could have jumped without hesitation on a bad day.

My minute in the bathroom was, of course, interrupted by incessant banging on the door. I hissed, yanking on a pair of sneakers. I threw the door open, coming (due to the unfortunate difference) face to neck with three teenage boys. Collin was smirking cutely, trying to peek around me at the bathroom, Seth's grin filled his face, and Brady wore the same sweet, rare smile that he always did when we got ready for our run.

My heart swelled slightly at the sight of them. These were my boys – my cubs that I had raised since they were old enough to figure out which paw went where when they walked. "Ready?" I asked. They nodded eagerly, and followed me down the stairs to complete the holiest of all tribe rituals - breakfast at The Lodge.

Luckily, Billy's cousin's roommate (or something along those lines… it was too fucking early to really try and figure it out) worked there, and even though she had no idea why she had to open the restaurant at four thirty in the morning for just a half an hour, she didn't ask questions.

"Could I get another glass of juice?" I asked. She nodded, bustling off while the three boys drooled over the eggs and bacon. And a certain waitress's derriere.

"Your eyeballs are going to fall out of your head." I leaned over and snapped Collin's jaw shut. He shot me a sheepish smile. "You pups ready to have your asses handed to you on a silver platter? Or is Collin going to make us wait until he can charm the poor waitress into giving him her number?"

Seth guffawed loudly, while Brady made a face playfully. "Don't need to," Collin said nonchalantly, pretending to inspect his nails. "Already got it." He pulled a tiny slip of paper out of his shirt pocket, brandishing it in front of Brady's face.

As they laughed and joked, I took a second to look at them. Each was so different, and yet, the moment they met each other, they had become fast friends.

Seth's smile, as always, went from ear to ear. I swear, that kid couldn't stop smiling if it killed him. His eyes were lighter than my own, more like Sue's. His hair was a little lighter, too, although that was probably from the hours upon hours spent on the beach with his new girlfriend. I noticed with chagrin that none of the baby fat that used to round out his cheeks remained, leaving him more angled – though it couldn't destroy the look of eternal happiness on his face. There had only been two times that I could remember when he had looked more desolate than I would have believed possible. The first one's obvious enough. The second… was pretty obvious, too, actually.

Collin had thrown his head back, he was laughing so hard. I liked him the best when he was just with the four of us. He seemed so much more natural, not trying to act like one of the big guys. Collin was huge. When I say huge, I mean that the kid is an absolute monster. He almost rivaled Jake for height, and Sam for girth. But charming, cocky, and a total softie. I loved that kid as the little brother I'd never wanted, and he – well, occasionally made a play for me. Which was rebuffed in a manner as kind and sweet as I could manage – usually somehow managing to involve a cactus, chocolate syrup, and a well-aimed uppercut. Or cliff. Or heavy dictionary.

Brady, hate to say it, was my buddy. Unlikely match, I know. Bold, brash Leah and sweet little Brady. Though you could never tell from his menacing build and serious, dark eyes, he had the biggest heart out of them all, except for maybe Seth. He was older than Collin and just about eighteen, about two years younger than Seth, and six younger than me. Brady saw things that others didn't – a piece of the riverbank that reminded him of something, a book that was written by a small town author with nothing to lose but turned out to be the most amazing story, a small animal that needed rescuing. He noticed them all, and shared them with me – letting me in to the most innocent of all childhood joys – discovery.

Collin stood up, his chair grating on the wooden floor in a way that made goose bumps raise on my arms. I glared at him disapprovingly, and forced my lips to retreat from the smile they'd been venturing into as he gave me the huge innocent eyes and made a halo above his head with his fingers.

Throwing four tens down on the table, I motioned for the pups to follow me out to the parking lot, where we finished the worst part of the entire day – stretching.

"You know," Brady started quietly. The other boys egged him on with their eyes. "Sam's picked a date and time for our attack."

I carefully displayed no emotion, but the façade kind of slipped just a bit when I started to speak. "How the _fuck _do you know?"

I pulled my leg up straight, past my head. _Damn ballet lessons killed my feet. But hey, when you can do the splits and pirouette to perfection, nobody but you cares!_

Seth licked a stray drip of jelly from the side of his thumb. "Came over at, like, three this morning, but you were totally passed out, so he told us instead."

"And you kept it from me for this long?" I glowered darkly at the boys, who were now cracking up. "Well, are you going to tell me when the hell it is?"

Brady twisted his lips up in a crooked smile – so much sweeter and normal looking than Ed-weirdo's. "Four this afternoon."

I sighed. "So the vampires know."

Seth was almost bouncing. I raised an eyebrow. But Collin cut in. "What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously," I said in a patronizing, sing-song voice, "they've got the little mind-reading vampy on their side, so -" but all three boys were shaking their heads violently.

"Edward took Nessie across the country to stay with some Irish leeches. He'll be back by sundown – by which time, we'll have annihilated the entire clan, with the exception of him." Brady paused. "And the little blood sucker, too, I guess."

"And how do we know this?" I asked slowly, not daring to think about the fact that Jake was apparently part of the 'clan' now. _Damn him. I'll rip him apart with my own teeth._ "Is _Black_" – here even I was shocked at the ice cold venom that constituted my voice – "going with Eddie-boy and Renesmee?"

"Emmett went back and did some surveillance and eavesdropped a bit. And, no, he's not. I guess he thought protecting Bella would be better for everyone, 'cause he doesn't know that we know about them moving her. Thank God Emmett got to listen in before they were done making plans." Huh. I'd have to thank the big guy later. Really, we'd had nothing to with each other – I hadn't even really properly greeted him yet. Ah, well. He probably understood or didn't care – he was a guy, after all.

Seth stubbed his toe against the hard black top. "Mom told me about her getting married this morning."

"And now we're going to have to go murder her soon-to-be step-daughter. Joy. Do you know she tried to deny hooking up with Charlie every five minutes?" Seth laughed.

"Does she think that we don't know?"

"Denial," I sighed. "Let's get a move on – I want you pumped and ready to go, but not exhausted. Slow jog – we're not even going to hit the border. I think it's about time someone made use of the high school gym."

The boys whooped, excited to do some more breaking and entering. What can I say? I'm a terrible role model.

As was expected in the dead of summer, the high school was eerily, blessedly deserted. We hauled ourselves over the chain link fence, ran ninja-like to the edge of the building, and jumped the slightly jutting-out trimming about ten feet off the ground. From there, it was an easy reach upwards to the window of my old English teacher, who was notorious for leaving the window open because of her paranoia regarding suffocation and claustrophobia.

_Mmm. Those were the days._

The acoustics in the gymnasium led to at least ten minutes of Seth, Collin, and Brady making echoes of obnoxious noises – leaving me trying to be the responsible one. Funny, that.

We started off simple – just an hour or so of weight training, and a couple of miles. Then we moved to the mats and did some one on one, two on one, two on two, and three on one groupings.

Seth was strong and not nearly cautious enough for my liking, but he lacked the strategic maneuvering and planning that Brady possessed. And Collin completed the team with his brute force and strength and apparent lack of brains.

I looked at them as they battled it out, feeling oddly maternal and proud. These were my boys, and for the first time in a long time, I felt absolutely confident in something.

They were going to make it home okay. As a team, I didn't know if I'd seen better. They worked together flawlessly, responding to the tics and behavioral patterns of the others elegantly and meticulously. When I went up against all three at once, I wouldn't have been able to stay on my feet without the extra years of practice.

And though I would admit it to nobody, they were my first priority.

Sure, bloodlust consumed most every thought I could summon up about the battle, but I knew that I would lay down my life and my chance to seek revenge on the people who had made my life a living hell if it meant that I could get these boys out of there unscathed.

With a final bellow, Brady and Collin finally brought Seth down. I couldn't help the smug smile that graced my face – so much natural talent.

I whistled, and the three jumped to attention and trotted over, breathing hard and grinning at me, tongues swooning limply over massive fangs.

"Rest," I ordered firmly. "Rest, rest, food, water, and more rest. You hear me?" I tossed them their clothes unceremoniously, making my way back to the hallway. "And good job, guys. That was great."

Hm. A compliment. What the hell has happened to you, Leah Clearwater?

My alarm blared, and I jolted awake, throwing the covers off and myself into the shower. Probably unnecessary, considering I was only going to be covered with dirt and blood once again, but it woke me up, at least.

I let my hair air dry as I hurriedly ate a sandwich in the kitchen, anxiously glancing at the clock every two to three minutes. At exactly 2:43, I heard the crunch of gravel outside my house, and the swift click of a car door.

I didn't let myself look around the comfortable home that I had spent my whole life in. There were no last goodbyes. I did, however, whisper a sympathetic apology to Seth's fish, which would probably starve to death without me around.

What were the chances that there would be no casualties today on our side? By my estimates, the odds were not in our favor. So what mattered was making sure that it was me who would take the blow, rather than someone else. I couldn't even find it in me to wish that Sam could meet his end today.

And believe me, that was a first.

There was a brilliant screeching noise as the door opened just the smallest crack. Only one large, dark brown eye could be seen. And way too much of a mouth. "You ready yet, Leah?" the boy asked, his full lips raising and parting in what I'm sure was a grin way too excited for the situation.

I smiled back, and he opened the door wider. "As ready as I'll ever be. Wait! Stop! That was cliché and annoying! Close the door so I can try again!"

Paul chuckled, but pulled the door back. "You ready yet, Leah?" he called again.

"Fuck yeah!" I yelled, doing a retarded little jump and pulling on my worn white sneakers. The door crashed open again, and I was swept up into a giant bear hug.

"That's my Lee-Lee." Paul's voice was deep and husky. I shook off the urge to moan and melt into his arms. Seriously, though. That stuff is good.

I stepped back and smacked his arm. "Hands off the merchandise. Now let's hit the road, slowpoke, before Sam hits us."

Paul laughed. "That was almost funny, Lee. C'mon." I smacked him again and grabbed my "just-incase-there's-a-supernatural-battle-and-you-know-you're-going-to-need-medical-supplies-and-fresh-clothes-but-you're-too-lazy-to-pack-then" bag. Filled with the necessities. I unzipped it, grabbed the Pringles, and tossed it in the back of the truck.

Paul was making the short walk over to Embry's house, so I called driver's seat and stuck my Pringles in the cup holder. They were jalapeño flavored. Just another reason to eat them now, while I was absolutely positive that I was alive to.

_Crunch. _Mmm.

Pounding footsteps made me look up sharply, only to shake my head and return the heavily processed deliciousness. Embry was running like there was no tomorrow for the passenger door. Hoping to help, I leaned across the seat and threw it open for him.

_Thunk._

"Aww, shit, Em. I'm sorry," I said, tossing another chip in my mouth. "Hey, wanna Pringle?"

Embry leapt to his feet, breathless. "Yeah. Salt and vinegar?"

Ignoring the minor hand-to-hand battle going on right outside for shotgun, I fished around in the tube for a handful. Embry struggled into the car and collapsed on the dash. I handed him the chips. "Nope. Even better."

He let out a groan of satisfaction and pain as Paul slid into the back seat, muttering words that he most definitely didn't learn in preschool under his breath.

Nope. In preschool, he and I were teaching all of the other students those words.

I think even the teacher learned a few.

I floored it, turning the truck into an impossible U-turn that we somehow made without flipping. Barely. I pulled out onto the road, needlessly checking in both directions before starting off in the direction of the cliffs. Paul leaned up and turned on the radio, which was unnecessary, considering we'd be in the car for another fifteen minutes, tops, but it was classic rock, and we all belted out the words and were having a grand time until we reached the auto body that the boys owned and operated, and where Seth worked. Wait… Seth…

"Shit!" I screamed. "We forgot Seth!"

Paul and Embry roared with laughter, and I sent glares back at them whenever I could. Pulling another Leah Clearwater Patented U-Turn, I spun the wheels around and burned rubber back to my house, thanking God that the police in La Push were so lax about traffic safety.

The shrill sound of sirens nearly broke our eardrums as it followed close behind us.

"Shit," Paul murmured. "My poor, poor damn car."

"Poor us," Embry corrected. "Sam's going to rip us new ones." I growled, glancing at the dashboard clock for the umpteenth time. 3:03 p.m. We had exactly seventeen minutes until Sam would be the definition of pissed off.

I ground my foot into the crappy breaks and pulled off, cursing. We all turned to see our apprehender talking into her radio, and glancing up at us every once and a while.

"Fuck," I whimpered. "Okay, here's the plan."

Embry hit his head against the headrest. "Why do you always have a plan?" he moaned. "They never work."

Distracted, I turned on him. "Name one that hasn't worked to perfection."

Without hesitation, he rattled off a list of all the times I'd screwed up. I wondered briefly how long he had been mulling this over. Probably since the swing-pine tree-police-Embry incident. Or at least, that's how I had christened it in my head. His name for it was The Day Leah Went Off the Deep End and Tried to Murder Me.

I don't know if he ever got over it, actually.

We didn't have much time. We had to go fast. "Embry, get your ass out of the car, and go run with my brother to Sam. Tell him we're being held up by the police, but will be there, soon. And tell Seth that I have his bag, but he needs clean underwear, because he didn't grab any." The words were spoken quickly, overlapping each other, but Embry got the message just as the perfect moment came. Miss I'm-new-to-La-Push-and-therefore-don't-know-how-to-police-it dropped something on the floor of her car, and was bending over to try and grab it. Embry pulled on the door at the same moment I pushed him as hard as I could. He hit the ground running, and I yanked the door backed closed right as little miss perfect came trotting up.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Fuck._

I unbuckled and leaned back, shuffling around in the pockets behind the seats for the copy of my license. When you get in as much trouble as me, lazy police or not, it pays to have a license in everybody's car. Way back when Rename-me was born, Rosalie had helped me get really excellent copies from some guy named Jenks.

Hm. I wasn't finding it. I raised my ass and sat on the console, reaching around to search in the pocket of the driver's chair. "What's she doing?" I hissed, now leaning back with my head almost in Paul's lap as I checked on the floor.

"She's almost to the – shit."

Coming to the conclusion that my real license was in the back of the truck, and my fake one nowhere to be found, I had tried to sit up and make it back to the driver's seat, but instead had flat – landing with my face in Paul's crotch.

The customary knock at the window. I yanked myself up, refusing to acknowledge Paul's grin. I rolled down the window, an ugly blush creeping across my face. "I'm so sorry, my license is -"

It wasn't her interruption that stopped me. It wasn't her drop-dead looks, either, which I'm pretty sure was why Paul's jaw hung loose in the back of the truck. _Oh, shit._

The girl cut me off. She really wasn't much more than that – a girl. Her hair was a pretty blonde color – sun-streaked and natural looking, and her face was symmetrical, with all her features even and proportionate. She started with a very firm, "You were going nearly fifty miles over the -" before breaking down and busting out laughing. The blush ate my face.

_Interesting phrase. I'm gonna have to remember that one._

She calmed down, shaking her hair out of her face. "I'm sorry, that was unprofessional." Again with the musical laugh. "You… are… over eighteen, though, right?" she breathed between giggles.

I eyed her coldly. "Yes. My license is in the back of the truck. Can I go get it?"

She waved away my words. "Don't worry about it. You just made my day. I'm going to be laughing about that for hours." She giggled. "Looked like you made his, too. Don't speed so much, okay?"

She walked away from the car, shoulders still shaking.

Paul and I looked at each other with wide eyes, and I slowly reached my hand up to lace my shaking fingers with his own. "Holy fuck."

_Vampire._

I nearly managed to keep the car below the speed limit the whole way. I swear to God, it was the truck that was jumping and pulling at the reins – not me.

_Ah, screw it._

I pressed down on the gas, accelerating until we hit probably the sharpest turn in the history of the world. "Dammit," I said sharply, the word scratching at the insides of my throat, making my voice unnatural and hoarse.

I yanked the wheel around, and missed the trees on either side of the ridiculous curve with barely an inch and a half of space. As soon as I knew we were clear, I slammed on the breaks and shakily shifted over to the passenger seat.

Paul seemed to see that humor wasn't going to calm me down at all. He just got out of the truck and hauled himself up into the driver's seat. He tugged the car into drive and started off again, his slower speed a reminder that I had screwed up. I hugged my knees to my chest, and berated myself for breaking down like that.

Paul reached out and took my hand – a comforting gesture that I was neither expecting, nor ready to acknowledge for what it was. Instead, I gripped his hand tightly and brought my knees up to my chest, mentally preparing myself for the bloody massacre to come. All thoughts of invading, giggling, non-Cullen vamps were pushed from my mind in an effort to organize and control the feelings coursing through my body

I had my own way of doing it. Most of the guys concentrated on getting pumped up. And I was. Or I would be.

But Brady and I decided to prepare in our own way.

That sounded bad.

What I mean was we meditate. It's not about being Zen, or any of the other crap that I can't wrap my mind around, it's about letting your mind go blank – focus. It makes you more deadly, according to Sam, who meditates on his own time. Let him go with us? Haha, yeah, that's a joke.

The truck – whom I had officially christened Cece (as in C – C, or Close Call), rolled gently to a stop. I jumped out immediately, and instantly missed the warmth, comfort, and love that could evidently be portrayed through nothing more than a simple, friendship-based motion.

Friendship-based. Had to keep reminding myself of that.

As usual, Jacob wasn't far from my mind. Another reason I couldn't wait for my Buddha session with Brady.

I would still do anything for him. I loved him so much, that if he looked in my eyes and genuinely told me he loved me, and wanted me to fight with him, I would –

Not.

It hit me harder at that moment than every other slow realization thus far. The most important piece of the entire puzzle was loyalty. Loyalty and trust. I could finally, _finally _trust myself to stand up for what I knew was right.

And then I saw him.


	12. Give

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: I strongly dislike this chapter. To the point where I actually kind of hate it. Ah, well. Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Okay, this time… whoever reviews gets to read the scene where Rosalie and Emmett ask Jacob if they can help with the resistance. Thanks, guys! **

"Hey," I called. "I know you."

The man tipped his head and looked at me through a squint. "I believe I know you as well, child. And your friend over there." Paul looked at me, totally bemused.

Child. That was the key word.

"Gideon."

Holy mother of God.

My hands started convulsing, and my stomach felt like it was about to do the same. Holy fuck. This was the guy who would have traded a life – a little kid's life – for a companion.

I glanced at Paul out of the corner of my eye, my main gaze the unrepentant bitch who stood calmly in front of me. Embry and Brady were holding him back from leaping or phasing. Embry looked about ready to pass out from the exertion.

I saw red. And suddenly, the ground was closer than it had been before, and my paws were pinning a granite monster to the forest floor. The vampire raised his hands as well as he could, in a position of surrender, but I wasn't having it.

A blood-curdling roar sounded through the forest. I refused to remove my hard gaze from the piercing red eyes that revealed so little and so much at the same time, but my ears pricked up, and I was aware of a mind joining mine.

_Kill… murder… hurt Leah… blood…_

Paul really wasn't helping my self-control, at the moment.

_He's here to help! _Seth had apparently phased as well, and was frantically pacing just within my range of vision – several quick steps sideways to the left before a choked jump, as if he were tugging at a leash, and then repeated to the right. _Leah – Paul – calm._

_Stop. _

Sam. I snarled, not moving a muscle. It was going to take a fuck of a lot more than an alpha command to make me stop now. For the first time, I seriously was regretting joining Sam's pack temporarily. Suddenly, brutally murdering Giddy-boy, here, and then breaking free and returning to Jake's pack sounded like the best id –

_Stop _now.

I almost fell off of the leech. A shiver of realization ran down my spine at the same moment that Sam's order paralyzed me. No pack. There was no other pack.

Paul's thoughts were a jumbled mess of fury, disbelief, and – fear? For himself?

No. For me.

I instantly felt guilty, and sent calming thoughts his way. _It's okay, I'm here, I'm not hurt, he's not going to hurt me… fuck, I suck at this. You're okay._

_You're right, you really do suck at this. _Paul sighed, a great release of breath and pent-up nervous energy. _Calm._

But he wasn't, and I felt that with brilliant accuracy. But for now, the only thing we could do was see exactly what the hell this bloodsucker was doing on our land. And that meant listening to Sam. Rage burned fiercely through my bloodstream._ Calm,_ I reminded myself, paying no heed to Seth, who was whimpering with a passion, and not letting my attention stray from the evil-smelling menace, who had stood in a fraction of a second, and was now brushing himself off. _Fuck you,_ I hissed. Mentally, anyways.

Sam stood, waiting for everyone to shut up. The rest of the boys had phased, as well, and were waiting with anxious anticipation. _Leah. Paul. What the hell is going on here?_

_Funny story, that, _I deadpanned. _Your new bloodsucker BFF – _I winced, that was Jake's phrase – _tried to vamp me out when I was, oh, five. I almost died, and Paul got hit with the venom, too. He's a fucking pedophile who only looks out for himself._

Images flew, unbidden, from my mind, and were unleashed upon everyone else. Not just my memories – stories, warnings, my father's recount to my mother of exactly what this meant – all of the material I'd used to tell Rosalie about the event.

There was a collective shudder when Paul showed us his own version – complete with pictures of a feverish, bleeding, tiny and innocent-looking Leah, opening her wide brown eyes.

The pain. I snarled loudly, breaking the trance that the rest of the pack had fallen into. Seth looked at me, accusingly. He had been so young he wouldn't have remembered it, and Sue, dad, and I had all kept it from him. Me, mostly because I had no idea what the hell happened anyways. My parents… well, I can see why.

Seth was sulking slightly that Rosalie knew before him, and that the entire pack learned at the same he did.

_I'm sorry,_ and I'd never meant anything more in my entire life. _I… I am. Sorry. Really._

The entire pack stopped dead. Jared began slowly. _Was that… that was the first time I've heard you apologize. To anyone. Ever._

I growled and shuffled about uncomfortably. _Can we please just move onto the fact that we have a pedophile _vampire _standing not ten feet from us? Thank you._

But I caught the tenor of Seth's thoughts – all was well again in the world, for him.

_Hey,_ he protested. But I could see the smile slowly pulling at the corner of his black lips.

_Gideon LeFontane – he says he's a nomad, who's only come this way because he has once before, and he wanted to check up on a project of his._

Embry and Jared, sensing my intentions before I had a chance to really do anything, jumped on me, pinning me to the ground. _Bloody… motherfucking… ass!_

Paul was experiencing the same feelings – it took Seth, Collin, and Quil to hold him. I relaxed – slowly. Being the bitch I knew I was.

Sam continued as if there had been no interruption.

_We had caught him and were prepared to kill him – Quil actually took off his entire leg – but he told us he had no idea we existed, but he… _here, the man who once meant the world to me paused, as if shamed. _He's good at convincing people. His gift, or whatever. Kind of like the mind reader and the one who sees the future. But he got the boys on duty – Collin, Seth, and Embry, to believe that he needed to talk to me. When they brought him to me, I asked him if he were a vampire called in by the Cullens. He said he'd never heard of them, but was interested in knowing the full story. _Sam scuffed his paws in the dirt a moment. _He really is good at getting people to do things. But when he found out about Esme and Claire and Emily – _and there was a moment where the pain that cut him so deeply shot through all of us – _he said he wanted to help._

_Bullshit._

Three guesses on who that was.

_He doesn't want to help, _Paul continued. _Someone said Leah's name, and he thought he'd come back to collect his prize._

_That's what I thought, too, _Jared added. I glanced up (seeing as he was still on top of me) at him in confusion. _Not anything to do with Leah, though, _he said hastily. _Just that he has to have some kind of ulterior motive._

The boys let Paul up. He exchanged a knowing look with Jared, before climbing to his feet. _How do we know he's not with the Cullens and just acting right now?_

_I miss Emily, _one of the pups cried all of a sudden. _She'd know if he were lying or not. And she made the best muffins._

_I miss her too, _sniffed another – Seth, this time, I could tell. _She was like the mother we never had._

Holy fuck. In another moment, we'd have a bunch of blubbering babies on our hands.

_I just want my Claire-bear back._

_I wanna – _

_Pull yourselves together, _Sam and I snapped at the same time. I checked his thoughts quickly. Hurt, and the almost-hidden need to escape. He glared at me.

_Sorry for being intrusive. I guess it happens when I get around parasitic assholes who don't give a fuck about anyone else._

_He wants to train you, Leah. You and Paul both, now , I would guess._

This effectively ended my rant, which is slightly sad, because it really was one of my better ones. It does always help to feel justified.

_Aww, shit, Sam. We don't have time, _Collin warned.

_Unless he can just give them the basics really fast, _Jared intoned.

_That's what he'll have to do._

I glowered furiously at Sam. How dare he make us spend any time at all with the one loser who would have turned me vampire for no reason whatsoever.

_You'll do as I say._

_Fuck you, _I cursed.

Gideon, the idiot, apparently thought that this was an excellent time to step in. "Little One? Leah? Paul? May I speak with you?"

_Go._

_Thanks for the fucking support, you bastard. Go train, why don't you. Or ruin somebody else's life._

I almost managed a smile at Paul's retort. _Later, guys, _I said – excluding Sam.

_You'll come back, right?_

_I'll be fine, Seth. And ready to kick your butts running tomorrow morning._

_The Awesome Foursome will reunite!_

There was an audible pause in which I believe every wolf there questioned Collin's sanity.

_The… Awesome… Foursome?_

_Yeah! Me and Collin and Brady were talking about I the other day –_

_Mostly Collin and Seth, though! _Brady interrupted frantically. _I had nothing to do with this! Nothing at all!_

_- And we thought that it would be cool if we had a team name!_

If the situation weren't so dire, I would have been rolling on the floor laughing. That, though, of course, I kept in a secret corner of my mind. I didn't need any of the guys thinking that actually, you know, had a soul.

I snagged the duffel off of the truck and trotted off into the woods, pretending that with every step I was pushing someone's broken, dead body into the ground. _Esme. Renesmee. Isabella. Edward. Alice. Jasper. Sam. Gideon. Jacob._

Paul snorted at my theatrics, and turned in the opposite direction to phase.

I returned lethargically – taking as much time as I could to make my way back. _What could Gideon possibly teach us? It's not like we actually have any 'vampire skills'._

Gideon was standing, frozen, next to Cece. His eyes were closed, and if it weren't for the awkward upright position, I would have guessed that he was sleeping – if only because I could see the periodic rise and fall of his ribs expanding and contracting with every breath of comfortable summer air that had soaked in the scents of the pine needles and baking ground around us.

Paul joined me from the right, and I let my fingers brush his for a brief moment. Nothing that the other wolves could see, but a gesture of comfort and friendship. Instead, though, it was like I had been shocked with one of those electric bug zappers. Nonplussed, my gaze shot up to his eyes. His face held no expression other than determination.

Writing it off as a product of my stressed mind and over-active imagination, I stepped forward. "What the hell did you need us for, again?"

No reply. "Yo, bloodsucker. You gonna teach us something, or what?"

Thank God for Paul's tact and grace in any kind of social situation. The leech snapped open his eyes and eyed us carefully. I watched, too, wondering whether or not the color of his irises would bleed into the white of his eyes. The color was so deep it reminded me of wet paint – just ready to spill over the black rim that guarded the shock of scarlet.

"Gideon will do nicely, thank you. As it happens, you are not so different from 'bloodsuckers,' as you say, yourself, are you?"

A moment of silence, shaking palms, and cold stares. "Because of you," I hissed.

Gideon sighed. "Yes. Because of me." Another sigh. "I'm going to have to ask you to do something very hard. You will be furious – you will scream and rant and shout. You will tell me I have no idea what you have been through. And you will try to phase. You will try to run away."

His stare pierced through me like a physical bullet. "You cannot go," Gideon said, quieter. And there was something so compelling in his voice – something that made you want to just fall to your knees and do whatever that glorious voice asked you to do. "You must stay here and listen to what I have to say, if you want to win this battle. Do you understand?"

I nodded eagerly. Whatever Gideon wanted.

That's when a blinding flash of pain covered my right cheek. "Paul!" I yelled. "You motherfucking _idiot!"_

Paul sent me a patronizing look. "Well, if you really want to be under the vamp's mind-control thing, go right ahead."

I glowered down at my foot. "You didn't have to smack me quite so hard."

I could hear his grin. "Just making the most of the opportunity."

Gideon let out another blast of stale air. Really? "Are you _quite _finished?"

I believe our dual looks of anger answered that question for him.

"Well, then. I have reason to believe that you possess some of the qualities of vampire life – both of you, due to some unfortunate event of which I have not been informed…?"

"Yes."

"Would you mind sharing this with me?"

"I would mind that very much." Now it was Gideon's turn to send me a superior look.

"Let me put it this way. I can compel you to tell me, or you can tell me of your own free will. Let me also add that compulsion can have some… rather nasty side effects when used too often. And if you continue to defy me like this, I will retract my help, and you may have the pleasure of losing to these 'leeches'. Do we understand each other?"

"Do _you _understand that if you fuck with me I will rip you apart, chunk by chunk, and then burn the pieces while laughing maliciously?"

Gideon bowed his head, a slight, polite smile on his face. "Yes." Paul cleared his throat, and when the red-eyed man looked up at him, he tapped an imaginary watch on his left wrist.

"We shared blood," I blurted out. Gideon nodded.

With the same irking smile on his face, our new 'instructor' turned and opened Cece's front door, pulled himself up into the driver's seat, and shut the door. When neither Paul nor I moved, and with yet another slight respiration, Gideon rolled down the window and beckoned wordlessly.

Paul and I shared a look. "Well," I started. "Shotgun."

As it was, neither of us took the passenger seat – preferring to remain in the cramped, though safer-feeling, back.

Gideon yanked us off the road quickly, and inertia left our neck in one direction, and the motion of the car in the other. Ouch.

"Out," the vampire ordered sharply. I exchanged a look with Paul, before jumping out of the truck and standing bored sort of fashion in front of the chalky-complexioned man. He ran a hand through his hair distractedly – however, it only smoothed and perfected it, rather than ruffling it up, like Edward's, or spiking it, like Jacob's.

Sharp burst of agony. Oof.

Paul moved to stand next to me, his mere presence making me relax – inch by inch, muscle by muscle.

I watched as Gideon noted this with his sharp, piercing gaze. "I have reason to believe," he started slowly, "that you two share a telepathic bond do to the venom, werewolf gene, and the sharing of Miss Clearwater's blood."

"Hm. Interesting theory. Nope."

"Doesn't the other's presence calm you? Can't you communicate wordlessly?" the leech shouted angrily. "Don't be so close-minded!"

_That's all true_, I mused. Hm indeed.

The vamp toned down the anger. "Well, I'd like to try something anyways." The urge to say something nasty back returned with a vengeance, but I swallowed it quickly.

"Clearwater!" I jerked upwards. "Enter the boy's mind."

"Um, exactly how the fuck am I supposed to do that, please?" I asked insolently, raising my eyebrows. "Besides, all the wolves can do that – if you haven't noticed." I glared at him.

If Gideon noticed my scathing look, he ignored it. "Press out with your thoughts. Find his. They should feel familiar – you've no doubt heard them before. You, boy, try to find her." We both stared at him, shocked into silence. "What are you waiting for?"

Paul warned, "don't look at anything embarrassing."

Feeling like a dork, I closed my eyes and "reached" for Paul. And pulled my eyes open so quickly that my vision blurred.

"What," I panted, "the fuck was that?"

Because I had _felt _the thrumming of something that my ears couldn't hear – an energy that was pounding away in a confused, wary way. But they held the tone, the specific texture of Paul's thoughts.

_Duh! Because your mind is tricking you into thinking that! Or Gideon's actually working for the Cullens and is trying to convince us that we have this secret power that we actually don't, so the pack will try and rely on it too much and then –_

_You think too much._

I jolted upright, eyes wide. Paul grinned at me. I could feel something – couldn't tell you exactly what it was for the life of me – but something in my head, making my skull feel heavy.

_Paul?_

_Mm… you have some really funny memories, Leah. Haha, you never told me that you used to get insane rashes all over your -!_

_Eep! _I scrambled, trying to find somewhere to hide all of the embarrassing moments that I _really _did not need Paul seeing.

Gideon stood stock still, but apparently understood my predicament. "Look into your own mind, Leah. See the way your thoughts are laid out – how some are stacked, some are in orderly lines, and some, your more recent ones, are still floating around aimlessly. Take whatever you need to and find a place to hide it. Just be sure to remember where."

I looked at him hopelessly, but Paul was now flipping through memories of me barfing all over the place at the fair. Gritting my teeth, I tried to center my energy, just like Brady and I would usually be doing, if this tick hadn't decided to show up all of the sudden.

It wasn't working. _You can do this, Leah._

_No, you can't._

_Shut up, Paul, you donkey-brained idiot._

I tried to picture the inside of my head, but just ended up with a load of grey matter. _C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! _A picture floated across my mind, of my second date with Sam.

_Sam was leaning in closer, and I could almost hear his heart beating. His lips barely brushed mine before –_

I shrieked with horror, delving into my own mind and quickly gathering up everything that had an embarrassing or romantic touch to it, and threw it all in a corner, remembering to snatch the recently opened memory of my first kiss. I pictured, as well as I could, steel walls surrounding the thoughts, fantasies, desires, and memories. Would that hold?

Paul retreated into his own mind, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I turned my eyes upwards and glowered darkly at him. "What. The. _Fuck. _Was. That."

"Just wanted to get to know you a bit more, Leah."

My turn. I aggressively reached out again, forcing my way into his head and grabbing the first thought that I could find.

"Oh, shit!" I screamed. I opened my eyes and rubbed them. Paul looked at me strangely. Ooh, I was not sharing that with him. "Hurts my head," I offered weakly.

I suddenly wished I had some holy water to douse my entire body with.

"You dick," I said spitefully. Paul grinned, reached out a hand and punched me in the face.

"Ouch!" I yelled, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "What was that for?"

"Chill, Leah. It was only a joke." Gideon chuckled, and I glowered at Paul, who looked utterly unrepentant. He grinned, as if to prove my unspoken point. Well, unspoken, but not un-thought.

"The hell it was!" I whipped the sticky scarlet substance off on my arm, and shook my brown hair out of my face. "God, I hate you." Paul burst into uncontrollable laughter – probably at the images I'd been entertaining about killing them both. He bent to support himself with his hands on his knees, and I reached out a hand and smacked him.

Paul and I made to go at each other, but Gideon stepped between us, reaching one hand out to either side of him. "Watch where you put that hand," I snapped, taking a step to the right to have an unobstructed view of my enemy. A low voice chortled somewhere in the background. I glanced upwards to see the entire pack had congregated around our practice space.

All the humor had left Paul's face, leaving him a obsidian-eyed murderer. He pushed his black hair out of his eyes, looking, for all the world, as if he would like nothing more than to rip me limb from limb. He mirrored me, moving just the slightest bit to the left. I pressed into his mind, breaking the flimsy barriers he'd put up easily. A growl escaped me as he tried to hide his tactics from me, brushing my lips like a feather as I threw it at the boy.

"You know, you both look kind of scary when you're so focused on killing each other. Especially Leah, 'cause she's all covered in blood and all," Brady commented from his perch on the hood of Cece.

"I don't know. I think the blood kinda compliments you, Lee. Brings out your eyes," Collin said thoughtfully.

"Wanna see if it brings out yours, Coll-i-flower?" I asked, never removing my gaze from Paul. The tenor of his thoughts was finally beginning to show up. Enraged and… amused. Damn him. I snarled. We were circling, now, and I was so deep into his mind that I was watching myself walk – feeling Paul's feet move. Gideon was doing his best to keep from chuckling.

"Ouch. That burns. Right here, too." Collin, the obnoxious little bastard, patted his heart while shaking his head. "I was trying to compliment you."

And there it was! A brief, flitting thought. Paul was planning on doubling back and leaping. He had tried his best to keep it away from my prying thought tendrils, and I quickly stored the information in a back corner of my mind – somewhere he'd never find it, even though I could almost feel him shuffling through my thoughts.

It helped to be so focused on his own thoughts, though I'd have to be careful about what I absorbed. I shuddered involuntarily. Last time I'd ended up scrubbing my own eyes after seeing visions of myself, naked, doing unthinkable things with Paul. He still didn't know that I knew.

_But I caught that,_ a low voice growled in my head._ Dammit! I told you not to look at that stuff! It's private!_

_You're just making things worse for yourself here, bud. _I silently double checked to make sure that my own emotions regarding pack members were untouched behind the door I'd sealed them behind. But Paul felt my secrecy and immediately became suspicious.

We had stopped moving, staring into the other's eyes, but never seeing anything – concentrating on the task at hand.

Oh, shit. Paul found the door. I threw every mental protection I could find in front of it; imagining brick walls and chain link fences and sharks and rabid dogs. His mental presence hit my consciousness with the force of a battering ram. I sank to my knees, a pounding headache already beginning to make itself known.

I yanked my chin up and, instead of focusing on my own personal fantasies, I began shifting through piles of crap in his head. _Strategies, fighting, emotions, porn, decision making, conscience, more porn, and – there!_

Tucked in between memories of having fart contests and memories of a track meet, I could feel a dent. I pressed into it. Paul had a… romantic side?

_I heard that, _he roared, doubling his attacks. I could feel my body clutching at my head with both of my hands. But I persevered, feeling around the edges of the air-tight box Paul kept his romantic dreams for a crack.

I was so light-headed from Paul's furious attempts at redemption that it was only my probing thoughts that kept me conscious at this point.

He felt this, and slowed his continuous hits a little. I used the resistance to my advantage and broke through the side of the box. Images came flooding forth – and I was unprepared for the intensity of them.

I snapped back into my own head like a rubber band. I was shaking, and I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks – half from exertion, and half from the intimacy of the scenes I'd just been bombarded with.

_Holy fuck. _And I appreciated the silence in my head more than you can imagine.

"I… told you… not to!" Paul grunted, falling to his own knees.

"Oh, no. Oh, nonononononono. Oh, shit…" I stood up shakily, trying to push past the trembling feeling in my legs and lower back and made my way back to Cece. Brady abandoned ship, and I pulled myself up on to the hood.

My stomach lurched. I buried my face in my hands. _Shit._

"What the fuck did you do to them?" Sam roared. Jesus effing Christ, he sounded scary.

I looked up slowly – in time to see Gideon slowly lift and then lower his shoulders. "I do not know. One moment, I was telling them to reach out with their minds – the next, I have to instruct them how to hide memories, and then they fall to the ground, utterly exhausted! I don't understand this phenomenon at all!"

Paul clambered with the speed of a snail to his feet. He refused to meet my eyes, and instead turned and made his way over to Jared and Embry, who began talking with him quietly.

He didn't look angry, he looked… dead. Disappointed. Unforgiving.

What the fuck had I done?


	13. Assume

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Thirteenth chapter, woo hoo! I honestly have nothing to say other than that you guys rock! I apologize to anyone whose reviews I didn't have time to respond to – I'm on it, I promise! Unfortunately, my damn computer deleted the Emmett/Rosalie/Jacob scene, but this time I'm offering up the scene where Jake takes a snap at Esme! Review, my friends. :)**

Chapter Thirteen: Assume

You know that nagging, itching feeling you get when you do something really wrong, and there's nothing you can do to fix it?

I'm quite familiar with it, oddly enough.

Gideon left us with just a few simple words. Well, I'm assuming that we were told the same things. I honestly have no idea because Paul refused to venture within seventy-five feet of me. Gideon told me, at least, that the mind connection meant that we would have an extreme advantage in the fight. That is, if Paul didn't lock me out.

"You can make yourself invisible," Gideon confided in me in such a low whisper that I barely caught his words. I jumped, and then looked at him, utterly shocked. "In his head," he amended. He needn't know you're there. All you have to do is make sure you don't touch anything, and use the lightest of touches. Gossamer."

"I read that book," I smiled. Wait. Leah? Smiling? At a leech?

That's probably how Sam figured out that something was wrong. He loped over, looking at the two of us with careful reservation. Gideon bowed low to the ground and kissed my hand.

At least, that's what I thought he was doing.

I felt his ice-cold tongue slide out and burn into my constantly overheated skin. I jerked my hand back, but he refused to let go. Instead, I felt the dry-ice burn of his teeth breaking the skin in between my thumb and pointer finger.

I screamed bloody murder, pulling myself all the way up onto the hood of the truck and out of his grasp.

I knew I was dying. Already, the chemicals in the venom that caused joints and ligaments to seize up were taking effect. My vision blurred and went dark for a second, but I fought the overpowering urge to sleep, and leapt at the bloodsucker.

But as I snatched at the air where he had stood, I thought I felt a presence – someone – maybe two people? – who were pulling a white body to pieces. I couldn't concentrate on it long enough to be sure, though. Stumbling after the scent of vampire, I almost face planted. Summoning the last dregs of energy from my body, I threw myself forward to phase.

And shrieked with pain.

An uncomfortable sensation spread through my entire body. Phasing hadn't worked – I was a gruesome deformity – half wolf and half girl. Claws sprouted from hairy appendages that were more hand-like than paw-like. My spine compressed in the hopes of expanding into wolf form, but got stuck halfway, pinching the nerves.

I couldn't scream – I needed to conserve whatever energy I had left for killing Gabriel…. That was his name, right? My thoughts were a confused swirl of agony and determination – but for what?

Hurting someone, right? Or something like that… there was someone I needed to protect – I could feel the pull of something so irresistible I was powerless, but… I wasn't quite sure any more. I wasn't even aware of my feet collapsing beneath me until my chin met the ground with enough pressure so as to make it hurt, but I couldn't feel anything. The last feeling I was aware of was a warm, wet nose pressed to my cheek and a low whimper that turned into a full-on howl.

X.X.X.X.X.X.X.

"Ohh." The world around me was dark and cold, but somehow comfortable. I tried to move my head, and the image of serenity exploded into pieces of images and chunks of feelings.

_Gideon bit me… my hand…. Phasing – my spine… it HURTS._

_And… but who… who got Gideon? I should… I should be dead, shouldn't I?_

As if on cue, there was a low whine from somewhere in my direct area. A moist, phlegm-y pressure made itself known on my forehead. Slowly, I cracked my eyes open through the layer of sleep that had me feeling as if I had just walked through a sand storm. I sent dark thoughts at the flickering light that lay directly above me, glaring at it through my lashes. With just the lightest flinch back, I opened my eyes all the way.

And came face to face with a reddish-brown wolf. I shrieked and tried to jump away, but only succeeded in slamming my head down _hard _on the wood table that I was finally aware I was lying on. Well, now every part of me hurt. At least it was all evened out. Thank God for that.

The wolf snickered to itself and removed its front paws from the edge of the table. Hesitantly, I stretched, awaiting immediate pain. I still wasn't entirely sure that my spine was in the slightest bit okay.

Ooh. Okay. Not good. There was a loud CRACK! and shooting pain that numbed my entire lower half. I screamed, plunging into darkness for the second time.

X.X.X.X.X.X.X.

Have I mentioned that besides vampires and rejection, headaches are my least favorite things in the entire world? I mean, they ruin any fun you had for the day, and you don't even have a legitimate excuse – like being sick or caring for your brother.

So imagine exactly how pleased I was when I woke up with a migraine the size of Antarctica.

Somebody was mopping my forehead with a wet, cold cloth. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from reaching up and slapping their hands away. "Em… Emily?"

A female voice spoke – not Emily's.

"No, dearie. This is Mrs. Call – Embry's mother."

"I thought… I thought you didn't know?"

"Know what, sweetheart? You're running quite the temperature, but it appears that all of you Quileute children are the same that way. Did you know that there is a very distinct possibility that this warm-blooded-ness has been passed down through the generations? That would explain why everyone is always so hot – though it does make you wonder about incest in the past, you know. But I'm pretty sure the common ancestor is so far back that it really doesn't make a difference."

"I'm sorry," I interrupted. "Your son is _Embry_?" Well, maybe his father wasn't a chatterbox. Or maybe he had just grown up learning to listen.

Mrs. Call nodded happily. "Yes, he is, and he's been ever so worried about you, you know. All of the boys have. And how long have you and young Jacob Black been in a relationship? Well, he's not that young, you know. I didn't mean to say that he was after an older woman – though you obviously are, of course. Only, he's the same age as Embry, you know, and I wonder how Billy – oh, I'm sorry, dear. Do you need something?"

"Jake and I? In a relationship?"

"Well," Embry's mom said, flustered, "it's just that he's never left your side, has he? And you two have always been so close – oh, I'm so sorry, honey, I didn't mean to make assumptions, it's just that, you know, he acted like the two of you were together."

"Jacob's here? And what kind of relationship stuff?" I asked, my eyes becoming accustomed to the lighting. "And where are we?" I decided to save the "why-am-I-not-dead" questions for Sam and the council.

Mrs. Call moved into my view for the first time – I was much too afraid to actually try and turn my head – and I caught a glimpse of a small woman with hair down past her butt. I envied her instantly – I missed my long hair. I had grown it out since the initial chop, but it still wasn't much past my shoulders. The extra fur was totally worth it – I just had Seth vacuum me occasionally.

"Sam's basement. Relationship stuff? Oh, you know," she said, and I could feel the heat from her blush from where I lay; nearly five feet away. "Just… occasional pecks and – oh! My phone is ringing. It might be your mother. Do excuse me."

She swept out the door, taking the awkwardness with her. _My_ teeth had been on edge during her answer.

_Occasional pecks? Why do the best things always happen when I'm unconscious?_

_That sounds funny when you say it like that._

_Paul?_

_Hey, Lee. How goes it?_

_I hurt all over. Paul… I…_

_You don't have to apologize._

I gritted my teeth – the only action that didn't tear me in half, apparently, though I was slowly regaining feeling in my legs.

_I'm not trying to apologize, you asshole! You have no right to think about me that way!_

_So I'm going to assume that you're not mortally wounded. Because I'd like to think that you would have a little more humility on death's door. And I told you not to look!_

_Humph. Not dead, yet. Mind giving me some privacy?_

_No problem, Sleeping Beauty. See you when your back heals up._

_Wait! Paul! How… what happened?_

And here his mental voice took on a disgruntled tone. _Why don't you ask your visitor? He's probably still there. Embry's mom kicked the rest of us out._

_I thought I was hallucinating. Is she seriously Embry's mom?_

Paul laughed. _Yeah. She's a little…_

_Talkative, I think, is the best word for this situation. Why is Jacob here?_

But Paul had faded out of my mind, and I cursed under my breath about stupid werewolves who were never there when you needed them, and always there when you needed them least.

"Um… Jacob? Jacob Black? You here?" I called, feeling like a dork. "Yoo hoo, Jakey…"

Out of the bottom corner of my eye, I caught sight of movement, and the muffled sound of somebody waking up from a well-deserved sleep. "Leah?" a voice asked, heavy and dark.

"Jacob," I called. "I'm the one who just got seriously injured. And I'm more lucid than that. Who the fuck else would it be?"

I heard a relieved laugh from somewhere to my left, and the scraping sound of a wooden chair across a tile floor. Almost instantly, I was being crushed to death by a big, hot, heavy man who had apparently decided that it would be a great idea to wrap me up in an approximation of a bear hug.

"Leah… I'm so glad you're okay. Shit, you scared me."

"'Okay' wouldn't be the word I would use to describe my current condition. And, no offence, but what the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came back," he said, monotone.

I sighed exasperatedly. "Hello? I'm not a retard. You're here. But why?"

"It's a long story…"

Jacob came into my line of sight. The second I saw him, it was like the pull was doubled. I wanted nothing more than to pull him close to me and stay that way forever.

"Does it _look_ like I have anything better to do," I deadpanned.

Then he laughed again. It hadn't occurred to me up until this point how much I missed that laugh. I enjoyed the sound of it floating over me before remembering that this was probably all a hallucination, anyways, brought on by either the venom or pain killers. And I still needed to know how I was alive… if I was, that is.

"Edward took Nessie to Renee's house in Florida – according to Emmett, they didn't really ever want a part in this. But when she was gone – when I wasn't near her, it was like the imprint just… went away. Like there was never anything there. It was like I could finally feel the way I was meant to feel about her – disgusted, horrified, angry."

I waited a moment before allowing myself to become impatient. "So, what?" I snapped bitterly. "You hook up with some random girl when she's away from you, just because you can, and then you go back to being a pathetic little house dog the second she comes back?"

Jake winced. "I deserved that."

"Yes, you did," I said coolly. "So you're just going to hang out with us and kill the leeches, and then go pick her up in Florida and tell her that the mean werewolves killed her family? What's next, taking her to go live in Paris, and wait until she looks old enough to say you're dating? That is so fucked up, Jacob."

"No," he stated simply. "I want to run away with _you _to Paris – or Peru, China, Australia – wherever you want to go. I don't care. Let's go. As soon as all this bloodsucker shit is over and done with, you and I can just take off. I can start looking at airline tickets while you heal, and then -"

"That's assuming we both live through this. And that I want to go." My voice was cold. How dare he run back into my life and act like everything is going to be okay now that he's back? "How am I supposed to know that this isn't just another ploy to get me on the leeches' side?"

Jake considered this for a moment. I still couldn't believe he was actually here – here with me, here to fight with us. He closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, and I watched as his long lashes brushed his russet cheek. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. He was wearing sweatpants and nothing else – typical werewolf get-up – and there were dark crescents hanging under his eyes. Now that I looked closer, I noticed that there was a yellow bruise across his jaw, and multiple deep scratch marks across his chest and face.

But at the moment, I was too pissed to ask what had happened to him. Right now, I wanted an apology. And it had better be good.

Paul must have been listening in, because at that exact moment, the door down to the basement slammed open, and he came bounding down the stairs. I groaned. "Paul-y Pocket, I told you to stay out of my head. Dumbass."

He turned to Jacob. "You owe her an apology. And it had better be fucking good."

I glowered at the ceiling. "Paula, get your fucking ass out of here before I decide to get up and kick it again."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna hear this douche bag's excuse, too." He turned on Jake. "We used to be friends, you dick. And then you decided that some baby was more important than everyone else. Give us one good reason why we should welcome you with open arms."

If looks could kill, the ceiling would have crushed us all. "Paul, you ass, he was about to give us a reason before you started in on the guilt trip."

"Because… because… because I never gave up on getting back to you guys!" Paul laughed.

"Seriously, dude? That's the best you can come up with?"

Jacob allowed himself a grin. "That… and this." He tossed a paper bag to Paul, who caught it easily. He opened it as if there were a bomb inside, and sniffed the contents.

"Ashes. What the fuck?"

"The remains of Esme Cullen's hand. Best I could do short notice. Sorry I couldn't get you the whole set."

"Jake," I said slowly. "Exactly how healed am I?"

"What time is it, Paul?" They, at least, appeared to have gotten over the minor strife. My turn.

"She should be absolutely perfect in a few hours. She could probably sit up, now, but nothing to strenuous, 'cause her spine's still on the mend."

I ignored the conversation that followed this, and slowly turned my head from side to side. No pain so far – except for a splitting headache that was rapidly disappearing, anyways. I raised my head, as if I were about to slide a pillow underneath it. Good…

I cautiously brought my arms up to rest on my elbows. Okay. Excellent so far. I was still having major problems wriggling my toes, however.

With a patience that would have impressed the Dalai Lama, I slid into a sitting position and hung my legs over the edge of the table. Holy hell, it was good to be able to move again. Jake snapped his head up, giving me a quick once-over, as if he thought I wouldn't be able to notice. He winced. I winced.

"Paul?" I asked. "Can you help me up the stairs?"

"Leah? Listen… I know there's no way I can ever make this up to you. And I know that sorry is not going to cut it. But I really am. Sorry, that is. I'll find a way to make it up to you – no matter what that means."

I said shortly, "save it." Paul came over and put his arm around my midriff, holding more of my weight than I'd like to admit. This was the perfect opportunity to find out exactly what the fuck had happened. I closed my eyes as Paul half dragged me up the stairs, and reached out to try and find his thoughts. They were wrapped around thoughts of betrayal and anger – and he was doing his best to channel them into useful emotions to fight off the leeches. And I caught the tiniest flicker of sadness as an image of Emily blinked into view.

_Knock, knock._

_Leah?_

_Yeah. Okay. I have questions._

I heard Paul sigh. _Of course you do. I suppose you want to know what happened to Gideon?_

_Didn't… well, I was hallucinating half of the time, but did one or two people, um, kill him?_

There was a lengthy, weighty pause.

_I didn't get there in time._

_Who did?_

_Jacob._

My foot slipped. I reached out to catch myself, but Jake was by my side in an instant, and pulled me upright. I looked at him with wide eyes.

_How come he didn't tell me?_

_Typical Jake. He thinks that it's not important – that it doesn't matter who saves you, so long as you're alive. Excuse me while I puke._

_Har-de-har-har. Okay. Jake killed Gideon. _I decided to start with smaller, easier to answer questions. _How did I get to Embry's house?_

_In the truck – Jake loaded you into the back, and I drove. Jake rode with you._

_Cece!_

_That is the dumbest name I have ever heard in my entire life, and I forbid you from naming my beast truck that. First of all, it's a guy. Second of all – Cece? That is so gay._

_You ride in a guy? That's even more gay. Your truck, homo._

_That's not what I meant, bitch._

Paul opened the door at the top of the stairs. Jake had fallen back a few steps._ Why Embry's house? His mom doesn't even know what we are. It's the farthest away, too._

_Part of the plan for our extended delay is to let her in on the secret – it's getting to the point where Embry can barely sneak out anymore, and she's about three centimeters away from calling the police the next time he shows up in the morning._

_I can accept that. But somebody still could have come over while I stayed at my own house._

The boy mentally shrugged. _I guess it was just easier. Your mom's staying with Charlie, and Jake's dad was out of the question until Sam 'determined his reason for return,' my house is a dump – you get the picture. It seemed like the best idea at the time. Plus, Embry offered._

_So what is Jake's determined reason for return?_

_Once Nessie was away from him, he figured out what was going on – two weeks after everyone else did – and finally separated his heart from his head and tried to take Esme down himself. The dumbass took a snap at her when the future reader, the blonde boy, the doctor, and Bella were all in the room. He says Bella's not upset about you taking her arm, by the way. She says she understands the stress you were under, and won't hold it against you. She really doesn't want to see us all fight._

I considered this for a moment. What a selfish bitch; trying to take away a good fight from the rest of us, just so she can be guaranteed that her loved ones are coming home. Where's the adventure in that?

_Why did Gideon bite me?_

_That… we don't know. He was dead before we could question him – not Jake's fault, by the way. Jake got him down, and everyone else kind of jumped in and pulled him to pieces._

_So…_

_What?_

_How the fuck am I alive, you doofus?_

_Oh. That._

I groaned out loud. _Yes. That._

_Jacob sucked the venom out._

Without thinking, I yanked out of Paul's comforting grip and punched Jake as hard as I could in the nose. He had been walking a few steps behind us, and was completely unprepared.

"That's for leaving me. That's for rescuing me. That's for using me, and that's for saving my life."

God dammit! Jake had saved my life, and now I felt like I owed him. Fuck, I hate paying off debts.

My fury was unjustified, which sent Paul into hysterics. Jacob, on the other hand, looked at me with eyes wide with shock. Blood seeped down his bare chest, and his nose was healing crookedly. He'd have to re-break it.

Still shaking with laughter, Paul made his way out the door and into the living room via the kitchen. I could already hear him telling the boys what had just gone down.

Slowly, as if fearing the very likely rejection, Jake's eyes met mine. I melted. His black eyes were filled with regret, and an overwhelming sorrow. It was almost painful to look at him. "Leah?"

His voice was congested, due to the lack of air flow through his nose. Another reason it was painful to look at him – his nose rested almost perpendicular to the rest of his face. "Sorry," I said ahead of time, then reached up and grabbed his nose, snapping it back in to place. I winced as a new rush of blood fell down his face.

"Leah. I promise never to leave you again – I couldn't, it hurt so much. I told myself that you'd moved on – that you weren't going to wait for a loser like me. Leah, do you still want me?"

I blinked. "Eh?"

Jake grinned, then looked abashed and tried to hide it. "Leah – you know I'm not a romantic sap or any of that -"

"Correction. You are the absolute definition of a hopeless romantic."

"Fuck you. So hear me out when I say that I can't live without you. You're the one who makes me laugh when I'm down. You've stuck with me through all of my shit. You're strong and you're beautiful and you won't take crap from anybody. You're sexy as hell, and you're one of the most compassionate people I've ever met, even if you try and hide it sometimes. I like the hell out of you, and I just need a second chance."

This was met with a stunned silence on my part, I'm afraid to say.

The doorbell rang. "Pizza?" I guessed.

Jacob grinned, probably in relief as it was unlikely that I would hit him now. "You got it."

"Paul, get the fucking door you lazy ass!" I heard Jared yell from his seat on the comfortable leather couch. There were several more insults that were passed around, and the sound of something shattering. I flinched.

"Jake… I…" I straightened up to look him full in the face. His tongue swept across his bottom lip. I swallowed heavily, noisily. Mmm. I wanted that tongue all over me.

"I need some time to think." _About you ravishing me in bed. _"You really hurt me, and I can't just forget that."

Jake nodded slowly, his eyes downcast. Before I could protest (not saying I would, you know), he wrapped his muscular arms around me and lifted me up of my feet. Without another word, he walked into the living room. I sighed and perched on the counter. _What are the chances of convincing Jacob to take me on the counter?_

Shaking these thoughts and the like from my dirty mind, I ventured into Paul's. Perspective would be a great thing at this moment.

He was grumbling to himself as he yanked open the door. The poor girl was so swamped with the boxes that they covered her face. Feeling the oddest sense of need, he grabbed the boxes from her arms and turned to set them down on the floor behind him. Paul passed the odd feeling off as hunger, and turned to pay the girl.

His eyes met hers, and in a blinding flash, everything was right in the world. Every connection that he'd had was cut. Every line that connected him to life was now inexplicably entangled with this girl's. He would die for her – run to the end of the earth for her – marry her and stay with her forever.

Realizing what had just happened, I tried to extricate myself from Paul's head. But the rush of emotion that he felt cut me off, and I was trapped.

To say that she was tall would have been an understatement – the girl was a freaking Amazon. She surpassed my 5' 11" easily – she was probably closer to about three or four inches over six feet. Paul was thinking that she's look _right _standing next to his six-seven frame.

Her eyes were a piercing grey that looked sharp enough to cut through steel. Paul was entranced by their clarity and depth. There was a bit of an owl-feather-ish look to the color – slightly mottled, but somehow managing to retain the idea that her eyes were _grey, _not any other color that they might be mistaken for.

She carried herself with a sense of carelessness and a hint of adventure – there was a sparkle in her eye, and a hidden smile in the corner of her lips. Her eyes met Paul's, and she appeared to be liking what she saw. Paul enjoyed this immensely.

The girl's brown hair swung down below her – in Paul's words – curvaceous upper half. It was straight, though not ironed. Paul imagined running his hands through the silky-smoothness of it, or tugging on it during an extremely rough session of intercourse.

Okay, _that _was enough. With one last try, I threw myself out of his head before his fantasies could become anymore explicit. Not that I could really talk.

I hopped down from the counter with a new sense of lightness in my chest. All was right in the world. For the damn moment, at least.


	14. Professional

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Fluffy chapter (at least in my view). And the next one will be, too. But for the one/two/three after that, it's going to get dark fast. So dark that I'm probably going to change the rating to 'M' for violence and torture. Fair warning. So if you're under-aged or weak-stomached, I'll bid you adieu after the next chapter. :) I'll try to give you a good ending. For the rest of you, I hope this doesn't come as too much of a shock, and that you'll stick with me! So enjoy your fluff while it lasts. XD Reviewers get a copy of the scene below (you'll know which one I'm talking about when you get there) from Jake's perspective!**

Chapter Fourteen - Professional

'Professional' is a relatively easy word to define, until you try to use it when friends and family members are involved. Then there's a whole 'nother set of rules and nuances related to it.

I'd like to think that I remained professional throughout the rest of the evening. However, I'd like to think many things.

Sure, I mean, there were moments when I accidentally-on-purpose brushed my leg against Jacob's, or my fingers against his, but those were minor casualties in the war I was fighting against myself to not throw myself at him and have my way with him in front of everyone. Really, though. Is there anything hotter than a guy telling you everything that he loves about you (especially if that list is rather long), and then letting you have time to yourself to think about it without pressuring you?

Yes, I know. An image of Jake stripping came to my mind as well. Ah, well. Second hottest thing, then.

Paul kept his secret to himself. I caught a thought or two, now and again from him. She'd agreed to meet him at La Push's only good bar tomorrow night. She was fiery and hated jalapeño peppers with a passion. I wasn't sure about this girl.

But she made Paul happy – and therefore, by extension, me. Her name was Taffy, and she smelled like freshly ground coffee, because she worked as a barista in the mornings and did pizza delivery from her dad's shop in the evening.

Jared went home to see Kim, and Embry, Brady, and Seth left early to go on patrol. Jacob had apparently been appointed my bodyguard, and Paul left with a cheerful, absent wave. Collin had plans with the waitress from The Lodge, and Quil left without notice. He hadn't said anything at all since he'd arrived. I could only imagine the pain he was in.

Sam was talking over some alpha matters with Jake, but had finished and was about to head out the door when I ran up to him. "Sam," I said breathlessly. "Did Paul tell you about the vampire police officer?"

A wrinkle folded itself into his skin. "Yes. I'm going to go talk to the council right now, actually. Did you see that Paul imprinted on the pizza girl?"

I smiled, unable to help myself. "They're good for each other."

"They're soul mates." We looked at each other uncomfortably. On impulse, I threw my arms around his waist.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," I mumbled.

"I wasn't there to protect her," he groaned. "I could have saved her."

"No," I said. "She was looking for me. If I had kept in touch with her – actually talked to her and given a damn about what was going on with her life, I would have known. I just wonder why she was looking for me in the first place."

Sam looked at me with eyes that had known real horror. "Leah, she wanted you to be the first to know that she was pregnant. With my daughter."

Oh, no. I fell against him, and pulled him tighter to me. "Oh, Sam."

"It's okay, Lee-Lee. It's okay." He took a deep shuddering breath and hugged me tightly. Then he took a step back and I watched as my first – in every sense of the word – love's face hardened over. And there was nothing I could do about it. "We're going to fight them the day after tomorrow. You should be okay by then."

Without another word, he walked out the door and closed it quietly, deliberately behind him. I caught my breath and clenched my fists tightly enough to break the skin of my palms. I bit back sobs of regret and of loss and found that I didn't even have it in me to be jealous that Emily had gotten the family that I'd always wanted. I hoped to God that in her last moments, she had been happy. That she knew that I loved her and her kid to death. I hoped that she hadn't been afraid that I would push her away again.

_Her daughter… oh, Em. I wish I had been there. We could've squealed and gone shopping for baby clothes, and you'd let me decorate the little thing's room – just like you promised I could when we were seven._

I retired to the basement, where a bed had been set up for me. Embry's mother had refused to let me go home to an empty house. I had argued vehemently that I wasn't very well going to let Seth stay home alone, but my brother told me quietly that he was going to stay at Sarah's apartment after he was done with patrol.

It's always a tough thing, admitting that you know that your brother's not a virgin – or at least feeling pressured into accepting it. I felt like I did an okay job, though.

I tossed him out on his ass, not wanting to hear any of the details, and told him that if he knocked Sarah up, I would murder him.

I tossed and turned until at least midnight. Embry still wasn't home, so I assumed that he was hanging out with Brady, or he was with one of his lady friends. Jake had crashed out on the couch upstairs.

To be quite honest, I was still a little freaked out that he had been kissing me _in my sleep,_ but I decided that as bored as I was, picking a fight would not be the best way to alleviate said boredom. Tomorrow, then.

Suddenly, I knew what I wanted. I sat bold upright, then leaned back on the pillows in a halfway sitting position. _I want an Oreo._

_I want an Oreo really fucking bad._

_It's going to ruin your complexion, Leah! You do not need an Oreo cookie! You're going to get fat!_

_I want a fucking Oreo and I am fucking going to have one._

Feeling very ninja-like, I snuck out of bed and clambered up the stairs noiselessly. I cracked the door open, and ventured into the kitchen. Closing my eyes, I trusted my nose and good reflexes, and began sniffing for the wonderful, terrible, marzipan-filled cookies. And did I smell…?

_And… gotcha!_

_Leah?_

_Oh, hello, Paul. And how are you this fine evening, Mr. Imprint? Or should I say morning, since it is haha…_

_Are you drunk?_

_On Oreos! Now leave me alone, I'm drowning my sorrows in chocolate cookies. And some whiskey._

I frowned at the bottle in my hand. _But it's not working. I've had, like, the whole bottle and I still don't feel wasted – just tipsy._

_I can tell. Where the hell is Jake? Isn't he supposed to be watching you?_

I drew myself up to my full height, not that he could tell, and took another swig of the liquid. It was from Embry's stash, no doubt. I couldn't really see Mrs. Call hiding a bottle of whiskey in a large, fake, potted plant.

_I don't need a bodyguard! I can take care of myself! Jake's out of the picture._

I could hear the panic in Paul's mental tone. _You didn't kill him, right?_

_No, silly! _I laughed. The absurdity of it all. But speaking in my head was getting really hard for some reason. "Can you hear me, still?"

_Yes, Leah. Now get your ass to bed._

"Nuh-uh. I want to stay up here until Jake wakes up. It's so boring here without him, you know?"

_Leah, c'mon. You're going to end up hurting yourself. Please just go to bed._

"Don't you tell me what to do!" I snapped my fingers in a Z-formation. "I'll whup your ass, pup!" There was a slightly longish pause, in which I chewed up another cookie and drained the rest of the bottle. "Aww, Paul, don't leave me, yet. I'm going to be so lonely until Jakey wakes up. I love him," I cooed, stretching out the 'o' and tossing the bottle in the recycling. "You may have an imprint, now, Paul, but I have mine and he's yummy."

_O-kay, then. That's nice, Leah. Now go to sleep before the aliens get you._

I was so shocked that I forgot to speak out loud. _What aliens, Paul?_

_The aliens from outer space. They want your brain. You have to go to sleep so they won't get you, Leah._

My jaw dropped. Of course. _I have to go to sleep because they'll think I'm dead, right, Paul? Because they haven't been on earth long enough to understand that when we close our eyes, we're sleeping. And they want a brain that's alive._

I clapped a hand over my mouth._ That's right, Leah, _Paul said, and I felt like he was concealing a laugh. Maybe his imprint was there and had said something funny.

I felt really tired all of the sudden. _Paul?_

_Yeah, sweetie?_

_I'm tired, Paul. Are you sure the aliens won't get me if I go to sleep?_

_Absolutely positive, honey._

_Okay, then. _I ate one last delicious cookie, and then went to go lay down on the couch. My legs weren't going the direction that I wanted them to, which made me giggle, but eventually my knees hit the edge of the sofa and I keeled over on top of it.

I hit something unbelievably warm, and curled into it, moaning. The Thing woke up with a shrug, and there was a low rumble from the chest beneath me. "Leah?"

The Thing's voice was low and husky. I giggled again. It was funny because his voice was husky, like a dog, and a dog was like a wolf. "Jake?"

"Yeah, Lee. It's me. Are you… drunk?"

"No," I laughed. How stupid. Werewolves couldn't get drunk – our high metabolism prevented us from – okay, _ouch, _that made my head spin. "Oh, Jakey… I lurve you soooo much."

I felt Jake's chest shake with laughter. I hit him. "Jakey, it's not funny. I lurve you this much." I held out my arms as far apart as I could.

"Oh, you do, Leah?" I nodded vigorously. He roared with laughter until I covered his mouth with my hand, afraid that he would wake up Mrs. Call.

"Yes, Jakey. But it's still weird that you kissed me when you were sleeping." I hiccoughed and laughed. "I mean I was sleeping. You weren't. Because you weren't sleeping with me." At this, I frowned again. "Why won't you sleep with me, Jakey? Am I not pretty enough?"

Jacob groaned. "It was once! And it was on the cheek! I didn't know that Embry's mom was there!"

"But why won't you sleep with me?" I whined. "You know I want you, Jakey." My head was beginning to hurt, and I had the faintest sense of reality returning to me. I fought it off for a reason that was unknown to me at the time, but I would no doubt figure out later.

Jacob wrapped his arms around me tightly. "You have no idea how bad I want you, Leah."

I thought about this for a brief moment, but it hurt my brain, so I dropped the subject. "Mmm." My hands found his tight rear end. "Jakey, I love your ass, too. You really do have the best I've ever seen in my entire life. And your eyes. Did you know that you have very pretty eyes? I feel like I could fall into them and just swim in them forever." I paused. "Jacob, why are you laughing at me?"

"No reason."

"Okay, good. I hate it when people laugh at me for a reason. What was I saying?" And why was the room tilting at odd angles?

"Something about loving my ass." I nodded. This made sense. He really did have a very nice butt.

"It is pretty amazing. Jakey, I'm tired. Can I stay here with you?"

"Will you behave yourself?" Of course. Why wouldn't I behave myself?

"Maybe because you're drunk."

I giggled. "I didn't mean to say that out loud! You shouldn't answer my thoughts. That's for the mind-rapper to do."

"I think you mean 'rapist'. I believe you, Leah. Let's get some sleep, okay?"

"A rapist is a bad person," I said knowledgeably. "Jakey, you say you like me, and you say you want me, so why won't you sleep with me?"

"Because the Leah that I would wake up to in the morning wouldn't be so happy with me. I have to stay on her good side, 'cause I'm in love with her." He grinned at me. I had the unmistakable feeling that I was missing something here.

"Oh, that's so sweet, Jakey! You should tell her how you feel. I can understand why you're afraid, though. Leah can be a bitter harpy, can't she?" I sighed. I was beginning to feel very heavy-headed for some reason.

"Yes, she can. But I love her anyways."

"That's good. Will she be mad in the morning if I stay with you tonight?"

Jacob laughed again. His laugh made everything seem right in the world. It was low and rich, and brought to mind all sorts of things – every pleasant feeling I could imagine.

"Probably. But it's a risk I'm willing to take."

My head hurt. "Why?" I asked, burying my face in the crook of his arm to ward off the pain. "Why are you willing to take that risk?"

"Because I love Leah. And I'm selfish."

I nodded once again, trying to look like I knew what he was talking about. "Those are good reasons," I said sagely, my eyes beginning to drift closed. Jake's arm was warm and smooth and strong. I liked it there. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, but then opened them again quickly. The sun had appeared, and the house was empty. Jake was still lying next to me, snoring.

I tapped on his shoulder. "Jake?"

He groaned, but acquiesced and opened his eyes warily. "Yes, Leah?"

"What happened last night?" Try as I might, the most I could come up with was Oreo cookies, whiskey, aliens, and something about sleeping with Jacob.

Oh, shit.

"I didn't sleep with you, right?" Jacob looked at me, very obviously hurt.

"I wouldn't take advantage of you when you were drunk, Leah." He allowed himself a grin. "Not that you didn't try to convince me to." Oh, no.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm sure you don't," Jake guffawed.

"I hate you," I hissed, standing up and stretching. Now to try and remember what exactly had happened. For one thing, I had a splitting headache. Second, Jake said I was drunk. Okay, so I could assume that I had found one of Embry's bottles of liquor and downed it.

"No, you don't, Leah. You luuuurve me." Jake grinned at me evilly. My stomach dropped. Next, I had tried to convince Jake to have sex with me and said some ridiculous things.

"That was the alcohol talking," I said stiffly. I walked into the kitchen to grab some cereal – Mrs. Call had left a whole cabinet just for the wolves.

"Oh? So you don't really think that my ass is the best you've seen in your entire life? Not even 'pretty amazing'?" My jaw dropped. Okay. Had said some seriously bad things. I took a bowl out of a drawer and grabbed the milk.

Jake's warm arms wrapped around my waist, and he bent his head to whisper in my ear. The hot air of his breath made me shiver. "Don't worry, Lee. I love your ass, too."

To punctuate this statement, he gave my butt a smack and moved off to make some eggs for himself. I squealed.

Regaining my composure, I snuck a glance at Jake. He looked at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. "Cabinet door," I said swiftly, breaking the spell. Jake roared with laughter.

"Okay, whatever you say, Lee," he chuckled.

I sat down at the counter, hiding a smile. "So, what's the plan for today?

"You don't feel hung-over?" I nodded; too busy shoveling cereal into my mouth to bother with a sarcastic retort. "Then we should do something fun."

I swallowed. I could think of a lot of fun things that I wanted to do with Jake. "Are you my self-appointed body-guard, or what?"

Jake didn't look up at me, but instead tipped the scrambled eggs onto a plate and snatched a fork from a drawer. "No," he started slowly. "I want this to be more like… a date. If that's okay." He turned around and grinned at me cockily.

I didn't feel like there were butterflies in my stomach – I felt like there were butterflies and they were doing La Cucaracha. I did my best to sound nonchalant. "Y-yeah. Sounds good. Where're we headed?"

A relieved smile – _my _smile – spread across his face and replaced the stunning, while nervous grin. I couldn't help but allow a smile in return. "It's a surprise. But you have to do me a favor and go hang out with Kim or -" and he caught himself before he said Emily's name "- or Christine, or someone until lunch, okay?"

My mood soured instantly – whether from the almost-mention of Emily, or Christine, or just the fact that I was going to have to wait to spend time with Jacob. But when I looked back at his black eyes – deep and sincere and brimming over with joy, I smiled again – never mind the fact that it was a bit smaller than before – and then scowled gently.

"Way to just send me out the door," I joked, getting up and stretching. Jake's eyes followed me, eying – well, let's just say it wasn't my _face _he was looking at. With that thought warming my insides considerably (and sending warmth to other places as well…), I walked carefully down the stairs to the basement and changed into some of the clothes that Seth had brought over from our house.

I surveyed the interesting mixture with a sense of dismay. A dress. Six pairs of underwear (none of my nice stuff, either. What did the boy think I was going to do when I was still healing? Jacob, my rational side said snidely. I banished it quickly to the back of my mind.). One sports bra. Two shirts – one that was from back when I was ten (why the fuck did I still have that, anyways?). One pair of ripped skinny jeans and a pair of Converses.

I snatched up the shirt that fit me, the jeans, the bra and a pair of underwear, and the shoes – noting with chagrin that he hadn't grabbed socks. I couldn't help but feel miserable at the meeting that was approaching me too quickly for my liking. Emotional stuff? Ew. Give me a battle any day.

Acting on some instinct, I grabbed a handful of peppermints from the wolves' cabinet. One for me and my breath (Seth hadn't remembered my toothbrush), and one for Jennifer. If Christine didn't throw me out on my ass. If Jennifer liked me.

But maybe this would be a good thing. I really needed to fix things with Christine – the girl who'd been my best friend – along with Kim, unbelievably, and Emily, since high school. Her hair was darker than mine, and much longer. It hung, usually in a braid, to below her butt. Her skin was fairer, and she had a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. She was much skinner than I was, and much shorter, as well.

Even if I hadn't been a werewolf, I could have taken her down in a fight. And I knew from experience that I could win any verbal argument with her.

So why I was so afraid to approach her, after all these years, I couldn't tell you.

Christine wanted nothing to do with me – that was obvious enough. The last time I'd seen her had been in the grocery store not two weeks ago. She'd seen me and turned the other way, refusing to acknowledge my presence in any way.

The last contact I'd had with her… had to have been when her daughter was born. Her boyfriend had left her, and she was a single mother. I was designated godmother, and had absolutely no doubt that somebody else had that honor now. She had gotten knocked up – damn, that was four years ago. Senior year of high school. Where the fuck had the time gone?

Jesus, little Jennifer had to be close to four, now. I wondered if Chris's ex had ever stepped up to the plate and helped out. Hell, I was wondering why I hadn't done more to help out. Well, one anonymous envelope of close to four-hundred bucks. It was all I could spare, and it seemed painfully insignificant now that I realized that had been almost two years ago.

I waved to Jake, memorizing every contour of his face before opening the door and examining the cars in the driveway. Cece was still there, and I opened the door to find Paul's key underneath the mat. Willing to risk his wrath rather than getting soaked by the inevitable rain, I started the truck and relaxed to the calming sound of a loud engine guzzling expensive gasoline.

Damn the fact that comfort comes at a price.

I swung by the bank, and withdrew as much as I could and still feel safe. Nearly eight-hundred dollars. It was the best I could do. I felt a twinge of pity as I considered how very little the amount was. If I weren't Leah Clearwater, I would worry about being mugged. In any scenario that I could come up with that didn't include me somehow becoming paralyzed or entering a coma, the attacker would be the sorry one.

I never said I wasn't a cocky ass.

Christine lived in a small, pretty house right on the border. The blinds were open, and there were the faintest sounds of a little kid playing with blocks, or something equally as noisy.

I parked Cece on the road across from Chris's home, and walked with the envelope held gingerly in both hands. Knowing that if she was still the same girl I'd gone through high school with, she wouldn't accept the money from me, I stuck it in her mailbox, praying to God that she got it before anybody else did.

I'd put it off for this long. With a growing sense of apprehension, I climbed noiselessly up to her porch and swallowed hard. I found it slightly ironic that I could face down hungry vampires with bravado, but this had me trembling in my boots – er, sneakers.

I don't remember if I knocked hard or soft, or even how many times I lowered my fist against the door. But I do remember that it took Christine exactly thirteen seconds to get to the door and open it, another two to look me over and recognize who was standing at her door, and about half a second to slam it in my face.

God dammit.

I knocked again. She opened it just enough to block my entrance with her own body. "What the fuck do you fucking want?" Christine asked coldly.

"To say…" It was physically painful for me to let the next word out. "Sorry."

Her eyes widened in mock surprise. "Leah Allison Clearwater, I didn't even know you knew that word."

"Christine," I pressed. "Please. I wish I could explain to you everything that's happened in the last few years -"

"The whole world knows, Lee. You and all the others got sucked up into Sam's little "protector" group. What do you do, run around issuing birth control and condoms?" She snorted derisively. "Well, you got here a little too late."

"I'm sorry." I had never been good with words. I felt my cheeks light up in an ugly blush, and I turned to leave.

"Mommy?" a tiny voice squeaked from behind me. I turned out of habit, and my heart melted. I'd always been one for kids, and this was possibly the sweetest little girl I'd ever seen. Her hair was a light brown, like her dad's, and her skin was just as fair as her mother's, if not more so. She had wide, milky eyes. Jennifer had been blind since the day she was born. "Who was that, mommy?"

"That was your godmother, babycakes." My eyes met Christine's. She was looking almost as startled as I was at her introduction. "Would you like to meet her, Jenny-girl?"

The little girl nodded eagerly, and smiled sweetly in my general direction. I walked slowly – minding my achy spots – and knelt on the step below her. I reached out my hand and cupped hers loosely in it. "Jennifer?" She grinned.

"Yep. I'm three. But I'm ohmbost" (or at least that's how it sounded) "four. That's another finger." She held up her small hand to show me.

"That's right, Jennifer. Four is a whole lot of fingers. That's almost a whole hand!" She nodded and smiled again.

"What's your name, godmother?" Another, new thought struck her. "Are you my fairy godmother?"

I looked up at Christine to make sure she was listening. "Something like that. And my name is Leah. Do you want a peppermint?"

"Lee-wah," Jennifer sounded out. She removed her hand from my grasp and held it out earnestly. "Yes, pwease." I laughed and pressed one of the candies into her palm. She unwrapped it carefully, and handed me the wrapper. I stuck it in my back pocket. Shoving the mint into her mouth, she smiled again. "Do you wanna come to school with me, fairy godmother?"

I grinned, though she couldn't see it. "I'd love to, but I'm going to have to leave soon. What do you learn in school, Jennifer?" I could feel Christine watching our exchange carefully. What was she looking for?

"Braille," she said, though it sounded more like 'bray-wle'.

"We've got to go, sweetheart," Christine reminded her gently. "Say goodbye to -" she paused for a moment "- Auntie Leah before you go."

Jennifer crinkled her nose. "She's my auntie, too?" I laughed.

"Yes, I am, Jennifer. Now, you don't want to be late for school, do you, hon?" She surprised me by flinging her arms around me (perfect aim, I noted), and burying her little face in my neck.

Then she was gone, singing "Goodbye, fairy godmother auntie!" over her shoulder.

Christine looked at me hard as I stood up. "You're an okay girl, Leah Allison," she said slowly. "You've got a fuck load of issues and baggage, but you're okay, you know that?"

I grinned. "Thank you for your insight, o wise one."

She grinned back at me. "You know, she's never going to let you escape her. How do you feel about babysitting?"

"Not a problem. She is the sweetest little thing. The fairy godmother has to poof, though." Relief flooded my system. It was a good thing Christine had forgiven me, because there was no way I was going to go without seeing my little "niece" after that.

"Sure auntie Lee-wah can't stay for a cup of apple juice?" We giggled, which said something about our friendship.

"I wish. Let me know when I can come over to watch her!" Christine nodded and hugged me briefly, before running inside after Jennifer.

"Bye, Leah Allison!"

"Adios."

I hopped in Cece ('hopped' might be too energetic a word, though. I was feeling the pain), and drove three miles toward Embry's house before pulling off and evaluating the situation. And my emotions.

Happiness. Envy. Joy.

Okay, I could deal with that. I pulled back onto the highway, and was heading down to the beach when I heard the tell-tale sound of sirens behind me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shouted at the black-plastic steering wheel. I got no response, believe it or not. I yanked the truck over to the side of the road, fuming. I hadn't been going over the speed limit by even one mile!

I grabbed my (real) license out of my back pocket, dislodging the peppermints. They spilled across the seat. Glancing in the rear-view mirror, I saw the same vampire police officer as before. Little miss perfect. God dammit.

Following her was a man who I would have labeled 'Geek' and 'Nerd' and 'Bloodsucker', and left it at that. His skin wasn't the ugly grey-ish of most vamps, and even his partner – it was chalky in appearance. He was skinny and tall, and wore thick, round black-rimmed plastic glasses. This was ridiculous, because vampires' vision was amazing. Odd fashion statement was my guess.

He wore a collared t-shirt that was tucked into his khakis, which were pulled up much too far. His sneakers were black, and his hair was greased back.

The man hung back, but the woman continued her leisurely stroll forward. When she reached my window, she motioned for me to roll it down, and waited, expressionless, as I did so.

"What the fuck did I do this time?" The girl stifled a laugh, and then gave me a stern look.

"Stop making me laugh," she said, almost whining. "I know you're different. And I know that you know that I'm different."

I raised an eyebrow. She pursed her granite lips. "Would it be too cliché to ask you to take me to your leader?"

I laughed. At the phrase, at the absurdness of it all. I sounded a little bit crazy – a little hysterical from relief. "I'll have to ask 'my leader'," I laughed.

"Here's my card," she said. I sobered up quickly, and cautiously took the outstretched business card. I had a right to be careful, I figured.

Without another glance back at the vamps, I stepped on the gas, and got myself back to Embry's house as quickly as I could.


	15. Resentment

**Disclaimer: I wonder if Mrs. Meyer actually does post on FanFiction… either way, I'm not her! Don't sue me!**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Because y'all are so great, I decided to post the reward as the next chapter. Here's the mini-scene with Jacob/Esme. All shall be explained later – I know it's short! The real next chapter will be up after this!**

**Chapter Fifteen: Resentment (Jacob's POV)**

Weak need coursed through my veins, paired with a dangerous, indignant anger. "You're just going to take her away?" I bellowed.

The vampire in front of me shrugged, as if his daughter and her affairs weren't really of any importance to me. To _me. _Her imprint.

Nessie was packed and sitting on my lap, tears flowing like streams down her sweet, pink cheeks. She pressed her small hand to my wrist, and I was hit with a longing so strong it made my teeth click together.

And then she had turned, kissed me on the cheek, gathered her stuff, and left, hand in hand with her father. They got into his silver Volvo, and turned down the driveway.

I broke down, rubbing my eyes with my fists. How could he do this to me? How could he just take her away from me, without even letting me know?

But as long as she was safe. I comforted myself with this. As long as Nessie was safe, everything would be okay. My world would not fly out of orbit.

I walked forcefully (did not _stomp,_ for the record) into the woods and phased. It hit me, then. Okay, sure, I'd daydreamed about Leah in some hot, red, lingerie and the heels to go with it. Often. And I could be myself around her.

That was the real kicker. I didn't even know who or what I was around Renesmee. I just couldn't be sure, because everything that I did was focused on _her. _It was like she was a drug – and I was hopelessly addicted.

I'd lost the sunny, carefree personality that had always been _me._ I was more serious – only playful when she needed me to be.

Just as I was thinking this, there was a giant wrench in my soul.

Shocked, I howled from the pain of it. The howl cut off into a choked gurgle. I ran around in circles, as if I were some dumb dog chasing its tail. I felt as if I'd been cut in two.

And then… nothing.

Silence.

I looked up at the tree around me. I didn't feel the ever-present need to please. I didn't feel –

I didn't feel the pull.

What had I been thinking about?

Renesmee.

The product of a vampire fucking the girl I'd been in love with.

A disgusted sneer curled onto my face. That was just sick.

And Esme.

She'd killed Emily.

Emily. Leah. Emily. God-fucking DAMMIT!

Fury led me to the Cullen house. Edward wasn't there to read my thoughts. Alice couldn't see what I was planning, even though there were weird anomalies in her talent. I still couldn't figure out how the fuck she could read Leah's future.

And for the first time, I felt resentment about the fact that Alice made Leah a weak link. Because the baby leech had wanted me to be happy about that before.

Bitches!

I burst through the door – sensing her smell in the house for the first time since before the attack. "Jake?" Too easy. "Jacob? Are you alright?"

Esme looked at me with wide eyes. I leaped, snatching at her rock-hard flesh with my teeth and claws. I caught a hold of a chunk, and bit, tearing it off of her body. The smell hit me like a train. I snarled, hitting the ground and turning sharply to get in another bite.

Arms closed around my chest. I thrashed, unable to get loose.

I was thrown out of the door like a common house pet. I growled, sinking low and getting ready to pounce once again. Emmett snarled – a language we both spoke. I sunk my teeth further into the chunk of Esme, and followed him as he took off into the woods. A high keening sounded from behind us, and I resisted the urge to turn and look.

Now to get home. Back to La Push. Back to Leah.


	16. Heartbeats

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: Ugh. Evidently, I can't write fluff without adding in a little angst. *Sigh. Ah, is where I say goodbye to those who are underage and those with weak stomachs. I tried to end this chapter on a note that will allow you to leave the story, as well. Adios, my friends! *Looks around and says, "Oh, shit. Where'd they all go?" Haha okay, moving on. Please, constructive criticism and even flames are begged for! :) Reviewers get a one-shot of Sam and his thoughts!**

Chapter Sixteen: Heartbeats

Jake was waiting for me when I got back. I tucked the business card (Linda Worthimer) into the glove compartment and retrieved my peppermints. I'd run home and changed into a nicer-looking sweater (off the shoulders and red) and a less-ripped pair of jeans – brushing my teeth and pulling on a pair of socks.

I may or may not have added some lingerie.

Jake grinned at me, and I jumped out of the truck (wincing a little, but otherwise okay), and ran to him. I threw my arms around him and I felt a low rumble in his chest as he chuckled. I sighed and pulled myself closer as his arms wrapped around me, inhaling his scent.

I stepped away, still smiling like an idiot. Jacob looked… there was no other word for it… drop-dead sexy. And yet, he still managed to look boyish and cute. He was wearing a black shirt and dark jeans. Red and black, I mused.

He also noticed the quick appraisal. Smirking, he asked me if I'd seen anything that I liked.

I shrugged, ruining the effect with my smile. "Sure, it _looks _okay, but I've heard that the performance isn't anything to brag about." Jacob growled, pressing my lips to his.

I don't remember if I closed my eyes or not – though I'm pretty sure I did. It was probably an immediate, involuntary reaction to the fact that he was moving towards my face. Or maybe just because that's what you see in movies. Either way, I was so wrapped up in the feeling of touch that I didn't notice. It wasn't much – just a light pressure – but it meant so much.

He pulled away first. I bit my lip, hiding a smile. "I promise you," he growled. "My performance is more than up to even your high standards, Leah Clearwater."

What was it with people and my full name?

I nodded dumbly, not sure I had regained my ability to speak quite yet. Damn hormones.

Jacob chuckled, and picked up –

"That is the gayest thing I have ever seen in my entire life." He made to protest. "Nope. Sorry. The fact that it is not only _pink _but that it is covered in fuzzy unicorn stickers just ruined the entire day for me. No, it couldn't even be just unicorn stickers. It had to be _fuzzy unicorn stickers dancing through rainbows._"

I was doing my best not to burst out laughing. Jake looked down at the hideous backpack, a frown creasing his russet skin. "Shut up," he said, hiding a laugh or two himself. "It was Rachel's. I couldn't find anything else big enough."

"That's what she said."

"That's what you said. It's a bit of a walk – do you want to run or drive?"

I considered my recent driving expeditions with what I hoped was a fair and un-judgmental eye. "Running. Please and thank you. Where are we going?"

Jake grinned again, throwing the backpack over one arm, and putting the other around my shoulders. I looped my own around his waist. "If I told you…"

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise," I finished, somewhat tartly. "Sure, sure. I heard Billy got a new puppy?"

He smiled. "Yeah, her name's Maggie. And she's…" he made a 'crazy' motion – twirling his finger next to his head. I could think of a lot more productive things that finger could be doing. But I was horny enough as it was, and banished such thoughts from my head.

I laughed. "Uh-uh. Are you serious? Like, insane?"

He nodded. "She's on doggy-downers and everything." I giggled – a sound so unlike anything that I would ever do on purpose, I cut myself off and a shocked expression filled my face.

But it just made Jake laugh harder. I punched him in the arm, and we walked for a ways, before coming to a piece of the shoreline that I'd never visited before. The cliffs were far in the distance – and even further away was La Push. I'd never been this far past the cliffs, except on patrol.

Jake threw down the backpack and heaved a contented sigh. The sun beat down on us, though dark grey storm clouds threatened at every corner of the sky. The waves crashed in on the sand in perfect curves of aquamarine and sea foam. The water lapped at the sand – which was a beautiful grey-gold. The trees were a bit behind us, and were younger than those deeper in the forest. Dark green and tall, they seemed to look down at us loftily. Jake's spot – as I had no doubt that it was his – was located on the innermost point of a small inlet, and the only sounds besides our heartbeats and breathing were the waves, the birds, and the wind.

I spun slowly around in one place, wanting to drink in the image with my eyes. I couldn't imagine a more gorgeous place. I also began to feel a little bit out of place, what with my bright red shirt. Funny as it sounds, it wasn't until I saw the tiny red flower poking its way up out of the ground near the trees that I could relax. _You're not alone in this place color-wise, Leah… you've also gone off the deep end._

I had turned too hastily, however, and I landed flat on my ass in the sand with an, "Oof!"

Jake looked over at me and chuckled, before helping me to my feet. "Jesus Christ, Lee. Only you could do that and still look graceful."

"Glad to hear it." I shifted to glance at the backpack. "So… what's in the bag?" _Please say lunch, or condoms. Yeah, either of those would work._

"Wanna come see?" _Lunch! Maybe he brought a football, too!_

I couldn't help it – I felt the childish rush of exuberance that I always felt around Jacob.

I walked over with him, and felt overjoyed as he took my hand. _It should be illegal to be this appealing, _I thought, raking over him with my eyes.

He unzipped the unsightly bag and with a grand flourish, revealed at least twenty medium-sized plastic containers of food. I swear to God, I was drooling. "Oh, yum!" I peered at the contents of one closely. "You didn't do this all by yourself, did you?"

He nodded. I put my hands on my hips, raising my eyebrows. "Well," Jake started, "Embry and Quil came over and helped a bit – but just a little bit!"

I laughed, then grabbed the blanket that had been stuffed into the front of the bag and spread it out on the ground. As we worked to make the picnic look nice, I told him all about the leech cop – Linda. Even he sniggered at her name.

But eventually, he frowned. "I wonder what she wants."

"And her creeper buddy," I added. "Okay, I have a question. So you're back – but you're the only member of your pack. At least for right now. And if Sam bows to you, he can't leave your pack, right? But you can't ever join _his _pack either. So how are you two planning on figuring this out?"

Jake opened a container of what looked like grilled peppers. The scent hit my nose and brain the same time it hit my stomach – which growled loudly and embarrassingly. I blushed, pressing my hands against my stomach, and he smiled, revealing perfect, pearl-white teeth. "We're going to have to split the pack in half. And work together."

"You don't sound overly pleased at this idea."

"Well… no. But now that we know that Paul and you can do the whole mind-connect thing, this could work out. And even better – we know where Claire is."

I dropped the chocolate chip cookies. "Where?" I demanded.

"Florida – with the baby leech." Jake looked disgusted. "It's their insurance. If we beat them, then there will probably be no way to keep the bloodsucker baby from biting Claire. So we're going to have to send one wolf down there to get her. We can't trust Quil to think with his head and not with his heart, and it obviously can't be me -"

"Me," I interrupted. "Why don't you just send me?"

"Because Sam is already going." My jaw dropped.

"Going? Like, right now? With no back up?" Okay, I hated the guy, but the vampires wouldn't just leave their only daughter – their pride and joy – unprotected. And I really didn't want to see Sam hurt or dead. Especially dead. Jacob looked concerned at my distressed tone.

"He hasn't left yet. Embry's going with him, and Quil's going, too – he's just going to hang back and stay at a hotel until Embry and Sam can get Claire back. They're going to kill -" his voice broke. "Renesmee."

Jake let go of whatever it was that he was holding in his hand – smelled like salmon – and whirled around to punch a tree behind us. The entire thing shook, and Jake pulled away his hand to reveal smudged blood all over his knuckles. "I shouldn't care!" he yelled. "I shouldn't care about what happens to her!" He looked at me savagely, and pulled me up to stand in front of him. My eyes were wide, and I felt shocked. Not angry, not hurt, not afraid. Just completely taken by surprise. "Why do I care?" he begged me, obsidian eyes filled with hurt and confusion.

I could feel his hands trembling against my waist. "Jake," I said carefully, though it burned my heart. "Feelings for someone don't just disappear – whether or not they were real," I added quickly, when I saw the indignation rising in his face.

Jake buried his face in my hair. I gently held my arms around him. "Jake. Jacob. You can't beat yourself up over this. It's okay. I don't blame you. I understand."

Jake pulled back to stare directly into my eyes. "Leah… how do you do that? How do you know exactly what I'm thinking?" I laughed quietly.

Moment over. I sat down, picking at my sleeve. "Hungry?"

He pulled out a bottle of champagne. "Thirsty?"

I lay down on my stomach, sighing in contentment. "You thought of everything. I can't imagine a more perfect date."

He chuckled and lay down next to me. "It wouldn't be perfect without you." I blushed.

"Yes – a date with yourself would be pretty damn pathetic." I stared determinedly at a small snail shell on the sand in front of my face, refusing to look at the virginal, too-damn-sexy-for-his-own-good teenager behind me.

_We do not attack our dates the first time we go out with them. We do not attack our dates the first time we go out with them – even if they are an irresistible, hot, sweet, werewolf who understands you and who is probably a sex god._

"Let's not get too sappy, here, Lee. Someone might actually think you have a soul."

"Careful! Keep making comments like that and someone might actually think you have a sense of humor!" Jake lunged at me and began tickling my sides.

I screamed with laughter, trying to get away from him, but he wasn't budging. Instead, I brought my hand up and lightly pinched the skin in the crook of his neck. Jake let go of me, falling into hysterics. "I know your tickle spot," I said breathlessly. "Feel the burn."

Jake straightened, recovering from his momentary lapse. He grinned. "Yeah, you know my _one _tickle spot. Unfortunately for you, I know _all _of yours."

I wriggled away from him, laughing. "You know, you're mostly okay, Jake."

He grinned at me, reaching with big hands to grab my waist and pull me back to him. He ran a hand through his hair, spiking it. The fourteen-year-old girl inside of me screamed.

Jake groaned into the crook of my neck. I repressed a shiver. _Ooh _I wanted to hear that noise over and over.

"What is it with you girls and all of the conditional words? I'm 'kind of' beautiful, 'mostly' okay, and 'pretty' amazing."

"Your ass, not your attitude," I reminded him. I swatted his playfully, to emphasize my point. Before I could react, both of my arms were pinned on the sand above my head, and I was flipped onto my back. Jacob leaned over me - basically on top of me. I swallowed hard, feeling the rush of warmth and energy between us.

"Keep playing like that, Leah, and we're not going to take this slow," he said in a serious voice, his hot breath playing with the rational bit of my brain. My teeth unconsciously found my lower lip. An unfortunate habit that I, even more unfortunately, shared with Bella. _Have to kick that habit._

I had the sudden urge to reach up and purge Bella from Jacob's lips – from his mind, from his heart. I followed the impulse and yanked his head down to mine, with a kiss that was hot and deep. Jesus Christ, I loved him, but he was _such _a teeth-banger.

"Maybe," I breathed, squirming a little bit about the added pressure on my body. "Maybe I don't want to go slow." I watched him take a shuddering breath that resonated through my whole body. _Mmm. Damn this boy – if he doesn't get off his high horse and give his morals a rest, it's going to be me by myself tonight. Sexy, that._

My sarcastic commentary was designed to keep my mind off whatever situation I was in. I did my best to make it disappear – to enjoy where I was, and what I was doing.

_You're on the beach, and you're about three seconds away from stripping off his clothes and attempting to hump like teenagers._

Maybe distraction would be a good thing.

Jake's chest lowered and pressed against mine. "Can we wait?" he asked in a low, husky voice that triggered my libido. "I want to do this right."

"You're not going to propose, right?" I asked suspiciously, trying to fold my arms across my chest, but only really succeeding in pushing my boobs further out of the low-cut sweater.

"Don't do that," Jake moaned, doing his best to look anywhere except for my chest. "Please, God, don't do that."

I smiled innocently, reached up, and pulled my shirt further down. Evidence of Jake's – er – _interest _was pressed up against my thigh.

He flipped us, so I was now straddling him, and I placed both hands flat on his chest. "I… just… want to wait… for the right… moment," he said slowly, making sure each word came out correctly. I bent over, giving him a nice show of my cleavage, and pressed my lips to his. It took every bit of my self-restraint to pull back after a second, but I did it.

I climbed off, and returned to a sitting up position. Jake turned and sat after me. "So," I said, in as nonchalant a tone as possible, "I'm not going to lie. It's weird that Isabella called you beautiful. I mean, seriously, you are a guy." I eyed him carefully. "You are a guy, right, Jake? Or is there something you need to tell me?"

"Oh, aren't you just so funny." He smirked at me and popped open a container of sandwiches, tossing me the top one.

"I'd like to think so. But thanks anyways, Jakey-poo." I grinned at him and tore a chunk out of the sandwich. Turkey and cheese. My second favorite, next to barbecue-chip-Nutella-peanut-butter-cream-cheese-cheddar-mustard-lettuce-pesto. Yum.

"If you call me that again, I will hurt you." My cheeks were beginning to ache from the excessive smiling – unlike the rest of my body, they hadn't been exercised in a long while.

"What, you don't like my pet names, sugar? Honey bunch? Love?"

Jake wrinkled his nose and kissed me on the lips softly. "No, no, and nope."

"Cowboy?"

"Absolutely not. You've been reading too many romance novels. Pass the root beer?"

"Little man?"

Jake glared at me. "That is _so _not funny." I laughed, but Jake pushing me over and pressing himself up against me again cut off the sound. My breath caught. "You want to see how 'little' I am?"

I pretended that I didn't have the urge to find out for myself and sat back up, pushing him off of me. "Slow, remember?"

"You are totally asking for it."

I licked my lips and reached for a strawberry, subtly tracing it around the outline of my mouth before slowly slipping my teeth into the flesh – parting seeds and juice alike. I sucked the extra residue from the very end of the berry. "Asking for what, Jacob? Because I can bet I know what you're asking for."

He blushed a deep, dark, red. Aha. Well, at least I wasn't alone, then. "And what would that be, you conniving little sex kitten?" Ooh! More blasé than I thought he would have been! Maybe I needed to try a little harder.

I scooted closer to him, resting my hand mid-way up his thigh. I leaned in towards him, letting the tendrils of my hair brush against his chest, and moving his hand to my upper thigh. "Mmm," I moaned carefully, testing the waters. "Well…" I let my voice trail off, dragging my fingers slowly up and down his leg. "Root beer." I dropped the can in his lap and moved to sit across from him, sampling some delicious pasta salad.

I risked a glance upwards, and hid a smirk at the gaping expression on Jacob's face – mouth and eyes wider than dinner plates. "What?" I asked innocently. "Isn't that what you wanted?" _Conniving sex kitten? Yes, I think so._

"I think I need a swim," Jake muttered, glaring at me as he regained control of his facial muscles.

"But the water's going to be freez – oh. Hm. You know, a swim sounds good. I suppose you don't have any swimsuits in that stupid bag?"

"Who said we were going to use swimsuits?" Jake said, raising his eyebrows and grinning. I attempted to surreptitiously rub my thighs together to get some much-needed friction down there. "I mean, I have one for you." He blushed again.

My eyes widened. "You went through my underwear drawer to find a bathing suit?"

"No!" he blurted. "No! Well, I mean, I did – but I didn't look at anything!"

I folded my arms, trying to find it in me to be cross. "Oh, really? Nothing?"

He nodded quickly and adamantly, as if that were going to make me believe him. I sighed, but held my hand out for the suit. Jake tossed me the smallest, skimpiest bikini I owned. In fact, I thought it fit me when I was twelve – before I became a mutant weregirl.

"There is no way this is going to fit," I groaned, but decided to suck it up. I looked at Jacob expectantly.

He looked right on back. "What?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not going to turn around? And here I was thinking you were a gentleman, Jacob."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Do I have to?"

I punched him in the arm. "Loser. Turn around, you ass."

He turned on his heel, catching up a chocolate chip cookie as he went, and I heard him crunching on it as I carefully slid down my pants, never letting my eyes leave his back. _Please don't turn around. Please, please do not turn around. Dear God, do not let Jacob turn around. Thank you._

I quickly pulled on the bottom half and tugged off my t-shirt, struggling with the ties. My hips dwarfed the bikini bottoms – it had been a long time since I was a pre-pubescent, pre-werewolf little girl. And the top… well, the top didn't even really deserve a mention, because it was pretty much non-existent.

Before Jake could see the humiliating outfit, I dropped my dry clothes and sprinted for the water, not pausing until I was treading. Jacob looked at me indecisively – and I instantly wondered what he was thinking about. "Need some help putting on your shorts?" _Damn, I fail hard-core at the coy voice._

"You wanna come help out? I'm having a little trouble getting the junk in the trunk, if you know what I mean. You're licensed to do that, right? You worked as a mechanic for a little while, there?"

"Um, yeah. Something… something like that," I mumbled, proving that not a moment of education had been lost on me.

"Yeah, I remember that. You used to work _under _me."

Enough of the sexual innuendoes. I ducked under the water.

I had always loved being underwater. The feel of cold pressure all around me – making me weightless, and gliding easy. I dug my toes into the mushy sand and pushed off, raising my arms in front of me and kicking my legs in an approximation of the breast stroke… or, as we had learned it as kids, the froggy stroke.

_I'll bet Jacob could bring new meaning to the 'breast stroke'._

I swam harder, attempting to remove Jacob from my thoughts entirely. I didn't even know what we _were_; let alone whether or not we were in a relationship like _that._

Though, if our previous actions were anything to go by…

_Swim, Leah. And shut up._

Air. That sounded really nice right about now.

I kicked up to the surface, gasping like a retarded fish. There was only water in front of me – I whipped around, purely for the entertainment of feeling the waves break around me as I spun.

Oh, Jesus. Farther than I'd thought. I dunked once again to get my hair out of my face, and then began swimming toward shore in earnest. I opened my eyes underwater and watched as schools of fish darted away from me. I stretched out my fingers experimentally, and another swarm exploded out from underneath a bit of rock in their haste to get away.

I looked around me, feeling as my air supply ran out. And… froze.

_Holy shit!_

Harbor seals! There were at least four below the surface – playing, squealing, dancing, and swirling. Their skin was a mottled grey, and their eyes were deep and inquisitive. I watched as one swam right up to me, and opened its maw and bobbed its head up and down, as if it were laughing at me. I giggled, reaching out and stroking his smooth side before he swam back to his friends.

Out of air.

I found my way to the surface, the silky water brushing past me on its way to see the seals, too. I broke the skin of the water and panted, a grin pasted on my face.

Just as I was wondering about the possibility of one of the sharks that occasionally inhabited the surrounding area finding me appealing and deciding to take a nibble, something grabbed me by the waist and pulled me under.

I fought back a scream, and turned to punch the shark in the nose. I'd heard that that had worked for someone somewhere. _I think._

Jacob was doubled over with laughter with his hands on my hips. I stifled a sigh of relief, and worked my way back up to the surface. He followed me up.

"You should have seen the look on your face!"

"You should have seen the harbor seals!" I said, still smiling. "Let's go see if they're still there."

I grabbed his hand and tugged him under.

And came face-to-face with a blunt nose.

A blunt nose sixgill shark is an interesting animal. It really hasn't evolved all that much since the Triassic period. It's big and heavy – sometimes growing up to eighteen feet long. I'd never seen one, though they and basking sharks and dogfish, and occasionally even great whites, haunted the Sound.

These sharks are fans of lamprey and salmon – there's never been a reported human death-by-sixgill, even despite their large size. _Nevertheless, there's a first time for everything._

Jacob turned to look at me slowly with a look that just screamed, 'No-sudden-movements-or-I-will-shoot-you'.

I silently drifted a little bit closer to the monster. I had no doubt that if she felt threatened, she would take a chunk out of me – regardless of what the hand guides said. However, this big girl (she was close to 16 feet long, and therefore probably female, as they are larger than the males) was paying no mind to the human who was a mere foot and a half from her flank.

Hey, when you live in the pacific north-west, you learn these things.

In a shiver of grey-silver flesh, she had moved on and was languidly disappearing into the depths as quickly and quietly as she'd come.

I was caught by the sudden need for that beautiful thing – O₂.

I wiped the water from my eyes and began treading once again, reveling in the loose feeling of my muscles. Jacob looked at me with concerned dark eyes, but evidently knew better than to say anything. "I'll name her Joan," I said decisively.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Okay. It kind of looks like it's going to rain, though. And while I'm sure that _Joan_'s food will be okay, ours is going to be ruined if we don't eat it fast."

All that food going to waste?

I dipped back into the water, refusing to despair over the distance to shore. I felt the vibrations as Jacob slipped in after me, and I accelerated – I had to prove that I was faster on land, and in the water.

He caught onto my mindset quickly, and kicked after me. I briefly surfaced for air, barely inhaling before crashing back to the rapidly chilling water. Yeah – it was definitely going to rain. As if the storm clouds didn't give us enough warning.

_I don't understand why or how you do that._

_Really, Paul? Of all the days to take a peek inside my head?_

_Yeah, there's some interesting stuff in here, Lee, _he chuckled. _What _have _you and Jake been doing?_

I squealed audibly and moved faster through the water as I moved even more promptly to hide all of my memories of a mere fifteen minutes ago.

_What I mean is, I don't know how you bounced back from the fucking brink of death, only to hit up every dangerous situation you can find right afterwards._

_Hey! I have not!_

_You just got within three feet of a shark. You continuously run into random vampires. Oh, and by-the-fucking-way, you pretty much died, ya fuck-tard._

Just when things were getting good, there was… Paul. _Get out of my head, you nosy bastard._

_Fine, fine. Whatever. I'm not going to push you, okay?_

_Uh-huh. Sure. _Okay_. Goodbye._

I hauled myself up onto the shore, breathing heavily and with a slightly bemused smile on my face. Then I felt the first raindrop. "God _damn _it."

Jake was already standing up, shaking the water out of his hair like a puppy. A large puppy. A large puppy with amazing abs. I gave him a look that was as cursorily as I could manage.

I didn't stare for too long, I swear.

I jumped up, feeling a little sore, but otherwise amazing, and leaped to help Jake pack up the food. _The amazing food that you didn't even get a chance to eat. _I glared moodily up at the sky.

Jacob looked at me for a long moment, and I wondered if I had mascara streaming down my cheeks, or a booger (yes, even hot goddesses like myself are human… well, mostly, anyways), or something in my teeth. Just as I was about to excuse myself to go check, he smiled and held up a green bag.

"Interested?"

I nodded excitedly, too stunned to actually speak. I helped him pull out the poles and the filmy fabric, and was put in charge of, as he put it, 'figuring out what the hell all of this is for', while he put in the stakes.

_Men._

Finally, we had our own little piece of – well, heaven would _not _be the correct word to describe our masterpiece. The tent was off-center and tilting dangerously. The poles seemed to stick out at odd angles – but at least it was far enough up shore that the waves couldn't reach it, and the stakes were drilled in tightly.

I unzipped the front door, and stared around the living area with utter dismay. Jacob noted my expression, and knelt beside me. "I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I just thought you might want to get out of the rain. I didn't" and here he looked absolutely horrified "I didn't _mean _anything. I'm not trying to – you know – push this."

_Yes, but that's exactly the problem, Jacob. How the fuck am I supposed to control myself when you have to sit this close to me?_

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him before pushing him into the tent. "It's perfect. Now scoot over."

I yanked my wet hair into a ponytail, and immediately remembered what we were both wearing. Yeah. That would totally help my self-control. _Not. _"Never mind," I said quickly, tossing him the horrendous pink backpack. "Change, and then I'll go."

He didn't waste time or words by arguing with me or insisting that I go first. He also didn't waste time zipping up the tent door before he stripped, so it hung open limply as he grasped the waist band of his shorts.

Oh my _God._

I twirled around and sat myself down on the ground, using all of my will power to not turn around and ogle him as he pulled on his jeans and shirt. Jake was out in no time, and I hurriedly grabbed my clothes and pulled them on, double checking to make sure my fly wasn't down and that my bra was on straight.

Jacob climbed in after me, and now it was my turn to make room. There wasn't much of it, and I ended up almost _in _his lap before I turned (probably poking his eye out with my ass) and sat so that my legs were between his. There. Less temptation.

"So, are we going to spend the night here, or is it just for the rain?" I asked.

Jake shrugged. "Either one. It's up to you, Leah." I nodded – not quite sure which would be better at the moment, and settled in.

"Will you show me your scar?"

I didn't act shocked. I didn't act surprised. I didn't flip out, or let my mouth hang open to make a house for flies, and I didn't let him know that I knew which scar he was talking about.

"Huh?" _God, _could I sound any more like a blonde bimbo? I sounded so stupidly dull at that moment that I blinked, confused.

"The one that Gideon LeFontane gave you," Jake said steadily. I glared at him. How _dare _he try to break down the walls of protection that I had set up around myself?

"No, I will not." I glowered darkly. Moreover, if he could read my body language, he'd be getting a big 'FUCK YOU."

"Jesus, Leah. Have you even looked at it?"

I thought about that for a moment. Had I?

"Yes," I said uncertainly. "Of course I have."

He shook his head. "Don't lie to me, Leah, I know you haven't." Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and grabbed a hold of my wrist, bringing it up to where we could both see it. I closed my eyes.

"Holy fuck! That's how you do it!" he yelled. I covered my ears, and pulled my hand back, still glaring. "I was wondering how you just got up from something like that, and didn't even have any repercussions! It's because you block it out. You don't let anything inside. You're in denial."

"I am not!" Reflex reaction, I knew I was. I was not in denial that I was in denial.

"Yes, you are," Jacob said firmly. "Look at your hand, Leah." I folded my arms across my chest, and had one of those _brain-blast! _moments. I leaned forward and shoved my tongue into Jake's mouth, crawling on top of him and massaging his chest with my hands. I writhed against him, though my heart and head weren't into it.

_Your lady-parts are, though._

Jake moaned from beneath me, snapping me back to reality. I removed myself quickly and huddled into the corner, clasping my arms around my knees and burying my face into the empty cavity between my chest and my legs.

I felt like a slut. A cheap slut. Shit, what was I _thinking_?

"Okay, that was… amazing. But you're not going to change the subject. Look. At. Your. Hand." Jacob's voice was husky and low with a demanding edge. He knew what I had been attempting to do.

_It wasn't that hard to figure out – you couldn't have been more obvious if you wore a sign._

"Fuck you."

"You're a coward." I jolted upright, staring at him with wide, puzzled eyes. His face was grim and tight, without a hint of humor.

"No, I am not," I said slowly. "I've faced death and I've faced vampires. I've faced heartbreak, and I've faced the deaths of the ones I've loved. I am a bitch, and a slut, and a lot of other things, too. But I am not a coward."

"Sure, sure. You can do all of that and more. But you can't face the reality of it all. You hide yourself away so that you don't get hurt." He grabbed my un-scarred hand, then. "But, Lee, you're choking off your other emotions, too. That's why you haven't seen Christine for years."

I yanked my hand away angrily. "Don't talk about Christine. You don't even understand what happened."

"And now you're refusing to even look at your own hand. You're going to have to do it eventually."

Sure, sure. But I had planned on doing it in the confines of my own bathroom, with the faucet running so that nobody could hear me when I broke down.

"Coward."

I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, and brought my hand up in front of me, staring at the mangled flesh.

Gideon's teeth had left a perfectly circular, raised line of skin just above my thumb. I moved the digit experimentally, though it moved with no problem whatsoever. His venomous fangs would be forever imprinted into my skin. I would never be free of Gideon LeFontane, and what he stood for.

The supernatural.

My own infertility.

My inability to move on without hiding things from myself.

And I sobbed. I cried like the little girl that I really was inside, and because I was a bitch, I wrapped my arms around Jacob, hiding my face in his chest and letting the tears pour down my face.

His long, warm arms were around me, then, and he gently pulled me into his lap. "You're okay, Leah. C'mon, Leah, buck up. You're not a bitch. You're not a slut. And you're especially not a coward."

Slowly, my strangled, choking sobs turned into a quiet drumming, and were eventually drowned out by the rain. I felt exhausted, and like I really needed a toothbrush.

And even though I knew it was shallow to use Jake like a human tissue, I felt at peace. Happy. As if, now that I had gotten my initial resistance out of the way, I could be a better person.

I smiled, snuggled closer to him, and fell asleep.

**Author's Note: Goodbye, my amazing reviewers and favoriters and story alerters who aren't ready for tragedy and horror! Muah! Love you all!**


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